So here are Lise's thoughts on "nobody said it was easy". possibly this file will never load for anyone because it's so long.

First of all, I always saw this as a sequel to "no one ever said it would be this hard" by kel (which commentary is right here), because obviously we took the titles from the same coldplay song, and the line, "nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard". And, okay. So many people said they cried in this story, and I thought it was a happy ending, like, it was the happy ending to her tragic one. so we'll probably talk a lot about why I didn't think this was as sad as it seemed.

So, think of this as your production designer commentary. Which is to say, this is kel. and I'll be the commentary in bold, and hopefully I'll be able to think of some things to say that aren't "Oh my god, Remus, oh my god, Remus!"

Disclaimer: Characters belong to J.K. Rowling; no profit is intended or made. thanks to lower case k, whose super secret beta kept this in the dark till it was finished. for kel. title from coldplay's "the scientist".

Thank you, k, for betaing this so that I could keep at least some of it a secret from kel until it was done!

nobody said it was easy - commentary

So right away, I have to say - this story came about because of a dream I had where someone handed me a copy of "Remus Lupin and the Order of the Phoenix" - which was the title that kel and I were using for her remus story. And this book was a fan-work that was all bound nicely, and it had a bunch of Remus stories in it. and looking at the lj post I made, it looks like I had a lengthy HP dream that night. anyway. that's how this story came about, me waking up with the idea to be holding "remus lupin and the order of the phoenix", and apparently, Padma straightening Hermione's hair. I'm pretty sure that in the dream, Remus was teaching them DADA.

When Lise first told me that she was writing a sixth year story that involved Remus in some prominant way, I said, "Is it egomanical of me to think of this as a sequel to 'no one ever said it would be this hard?'" and she was very "Duh. Of course it is." Which is why, really, she's the best of us. The end of my Remus Lupin and the Order of the Phoenix story leaves Remus in such a state of horrible agonizing crippling grief, and while I think it was appropriate for the moment the story closed, I really believe, like Lise does, that Remus is too strong and has been through too much not to keep soldiering on. So I'm just so glad that she wrote this, because we have this way of writing what we know the other one needs to have written, somehow.

When Harry and the class filed into their very first Defence against the Dark Arts class that year, they had a big surprise. "Professor Lupin!" Harry couldn't help but call out. "You're back!"

Professor Lupin smiled at Harry, Ron and Hermione. "I am," he said. "Class, your seats, if you wouldn't mind." He waited until the entire class was seated, and a healthy buzz of gossip was floating around, before standing up. "Many of you are wondering what I'm doing back at Hogwarts, and I have an answer ready for you. However! before I give it to you, I'd like you to be listening."

A nervous giggle went through the room, and finally everyone was silent.

"Thank you." He put his briefcase down, and leaned against his desk, surveying the class for a minute. "Despite the Ministry's objections, and despite the prediction of owls from parents, Professor Dumbledore has asked me to be your Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher this year, again. He has his reasons. I have accepted, because despite what those of you may think about me, I quite enjoy teaching."

Harry glanced at Hermione, who shrugged.

right here I'll point out how nervous I was, trying to write in somewhat the style of the books. With the lengthy dialogue and little narration. It's not something I'm comfortable doing, and I constantly felt like it fell flat, them saying everything and then so little reaction to it. Not to mention the near-childishness in the narrative style. Very nerve-wracking to do. it's probably the first time I ever wrote a story where the dialogue came much easier than the narrative - hell, the dialogue *was* the story. everything else was just background.

"All those questions you'd have for me, then, I'm going to ask you to contain for the time being, while we sort out a few scheduling troubles. Today, you'll have a normal lesson, but this will be the only day! Because I am not going to be living at the school - again, for various reasons," and Harry couldn't help but smile a little at that, even if it was painful; he knew where Professor Lupin was living. "Defence Against the Dark Arts, will typically be one day a week, and a longer lesson than usual."

The idea of Remus living alone at Grimmauld Place kind of breaks my fucking heart. But that's predictable. I enjoy the Harry POV in this story and I think it makes sense for the kind of story that Lise is trying to tell, but I ache to think of what the Remus POV would have been like.

"But, Professor," Hermione started, hand up.

Professor Lupin nodded at her, but didn't allow her to ask her question. He continued, "I will attempt to be as punctual as possible, but there are certain other duties I must perform that mean I will be absent from time to time. Your Defence day will be posted enough in advance, don't worry." He looked around. "The final thing I should tell you is that, due to the Ministry's urging, there is an alternative to taking this course with me - you may learn everything for the exams from your textbook, in a guided study hall, rather than take your lessons with myself.

"Now, does anyone have any questions about the class schedule or alternative study option?"

also something I've never done - split one character's dialogue between two paragraphs. I always felt it made you lose focus.

Yeah, but in real life (or at least in the real life of the books), Hermione really does interupt every god-damned train of thought, doesn't she?

Hermione flushed a little, but kept her hand down. So did the rest of the class, though there were several people looking at each other, and few of those looks were happy. "You must have many questions," Professor Lupin said lightly, "about why I'm here, especially. I'm going to give you a chance to ask them - but not today. That will be your first homework assignment: make a list of questions you wish to ask about what I've said today. Points will be given for the most insightful questions, so don't worry about coming up with a long list - quality over quantity. I told you I had an answer ready as to why I'm here, but I do not intend to give it today."

Harry did put his hand up then, when it seemed like no one else was willing to. "If the next lesson isn't set, how will we know when to hand this in?"

Professor Lupin nodded. "That's a very good question. I'm going to give you the rest of the class to work on that, as well as another assignment, so I suggest you think about it as much as possible today. Remember, one question may get you full marks, so this might appear easy, but it isn't."

Hermione put her hand up. "Another assignment?"

Professor Lupin nodded at her. He went to the board, and wrote why people could or would trust me/why people should or would not trust me. Then he turned around. "A list, please, which answers these questions." A murmur went up. "I will not be collecting this; merely checking off that you have done it."

The first time I read this paragraph, I thought they were supposed to be making a list of reasons why they should or shouldn't trust Remus. Which is really neither here nor there, I guess, but it might have been interesting.

another first for me: I think this is probably the first time - certainly one of the few times - that I actually wrote the beginning before the rest of the story. Or at least, I wrote the first scene before I wrote any other scenes. I tend to write bits and pieces of things and then try to stick them together, but this story was very linear in its creation, which was totally weird. One of the only scenes I wrote really out of sequence was later on, when Harry is looking at his list of trustworthy traits, and then writes "I'm the boy who lived" across them both. so I always knew I was working up to that moment.

The class dutifully copied the questions down, and then Professor Lupin sat behind the desk, pulling some ratty parchment out of his briefcase. "Those of you intending to opt for the Ministry-approved study course, I ask only that you please attend at least one of my lessons, to understand the choices presented. This is not a typical lesson, I assure you." Several people who'd started to get a glazed look, Ron being one of them, tried to look as if they'd been paying attention all along. "Now, to the assignments, if you please, and those who have more information at their disposal," and he glanced at Ron and Neville, sitting together, "use it to your advantage. I will not be offended by whatever you write down, so be honest, and think."

He proceeded to start flipping through the parchments very rapidly, occasionally pulling a quill out to mark something or other off. Harry glanced around; no one had moved except Hermione, who was writing away. After looking at the Professor, he whispered as quietly as possible, "what are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" she answered back. Professor Lupin glanced up, looked at the two of them, but didn't tell them to be quiet; Hermione added, "you'd best do them, too. They're quite easy, and he's giving us class time to get them finished."

Ron leaned over, and murmured, "why's he not telling us off for talking?"

Harry shrugged. "Maybe he doesn't mind. Anyway," and he pitched his voice even lower - Ron leaned over even more in his chair to hear properly, "maybe he's doing Order things."

trying to work the Order into this story was equally hard, especially since I didn't want to focus on the outside world, for once, or anything but what Remus had to teach the kids. So dropping little mentions of what's going on beyond the class, without explaining it, had to be enough, even if it felt a little like a cop-out as far as the story beyond the walls of Hogwarts' went.

I think it works, though, because the entire crux of JKR's style for the books is Harry as the uninformed narrator. Which is to say that we really didn't know jack shit about what was going on with the Order for most of the fifth book. I think the problem with Lise and I (and I'm actually not sure if "problem" is the right word, because I'm not sure that it's a problem) is that we're always so sure that the MWPP stories are more interesting, even when we're out of MWPP-era and into the present of JKR's books.

"Bit odd, that," Ron answered in a low voice. Around them, a very quiet murmur had started up - when Professor Lupin hadn't told Harry off for whispering, other people had started up. It was quiet enough to be ignored, but loud enough to mask their talking. "Him taking off from the Order, I mean."

Without looking up from her rapidly-filling parchment, Hermione whispered, "he hasn't. Weren't you listening? He's only going to be here once a week."

Harry nodded. "What else could he be doing?"

"Oh." Ron frowned. "This is going to be tough." He stared at his desk, parchment out but blank. "We already know what he's doing, so how can we ask him anything?"

since this was the first scene I wrote for the whole fic, it basically shaped how I saw the rest of the lessons that Remus had to give - the idea that he wanted them to ask enough questions that they figured out the answers *themselves*, up to and including asking the tough questions of him. That he didn't want them to shy away from trying to figure something out just because it was impolite or something. Because sometimes you have to do things and wonder things that aren't comfortable.

"It's ridiculous, is what it is. The Order is no place for parents with children." ""Quite right. We ought to have the children themselves fighting the war, send their parents home. They're not hardly much older than we were when things started up before." Which is to say, you know, egomanical as I am, I can kind of see this teaching style that Lise talks about as Remus' way of living up to that."

Harry shrugged, but had the same problem. At the end of the class, he only had one question written down, and he didn't know if he could hand it in. His parchment said, 'how can you act as if nothing happened?'

this was a little bit of trying to get Harry's characterization from OotP - that angry, a little bit surly, kid - out. usually he never would have said something so rude to Remus, but with his grief comes a new kind of. I dunno. anyway.

It's also, you know, the most heart-breaking motherfucking thing ever. Also, it really jives in a big way with how I see Remus and Sirius as being the almost not quite canon of the books. Like, Harry is this angry, surly kid who doesn't even realize that Remus probably misses Sirius a thousand times more than he does, and we can't see the magnitude of Remus' grief because we're in Harry's POV. Anyway, enough of my crazy believer talk, you've heard it all before.

"All right," Professor Lupin said, as the class ended. "For next day, if you wouldn't mind, research a case from the last time the Dark Lord surfaced. A specific Death Eater or follower, including their crimes." People looked at each other, alarmed. "Basic background will suffice," he said, "as you will be presenting your findings to the class next day." Professor Lupin added, "And anyone who wants to hand in their questions for me now, please bring them up."

Several people stood, Hermione included, to hand theirs in. Harry stared at his pathetic one line, then wrote his name on it recklessly. He didn't want to know anything else; surely the Professor would go easy on him, the first assignment. As he filed past the desk to plop his parchment on top, Professor Lupin's eyes strayed to his parchment. They widened for a moment, and Harry felt incredibly nervous - which was well-founded when, a second later, the Professor told him, "stay behind a moment, if you would, Harry."

Ron told him, "we'll wait for you at dinner," as he went past, and then Harry was left alone with Professor Lupin. Harry wasn't sure why he'd been asked to stay behind, except that he was about to be told off for his assignment. Maybe it wasn't long enough or - much more likely, he privately admitted - it was too impertinent, and he was going to be told off for that.

"Don't worry," Professor Lupin told him as he closed the classroom door, "you're not in trouble. Quite the opposite; I'm going to give you full marks for this." He came back, and sat down on one of the desks, before sighing. All trace of the pleasant professor was gone, and he simply looked tired. "My intent with these was to read the most insightful ones next class, and attempt to answer them. I anticipated many questions as to why Dumbledore would allow a werewolf back into the school; which I had plans to counter with the new precautions we were taking, including the fact that I'm not staying at the school."

I'd intended to have a much longer scene where he answers questions about anything and everything, hard questions, but then the scene where he deals with their homework was already so long that I chopped most of it off.

Harry shook his head. "I don't think many people would have asked that."

Professor Lupin shrugged, one shoulder up, and looked away. "They should; it would be an important thing to find out. To find out the motive behind - regardless, this is next week's lesson, and has nothing to do with you." He paused a moment. "As I have no intention of answering this particular question in front of the class..."

He gestured for Harry to sit down, which Harry did awkwardly. "When I was first bitten, I thought my life was over. For two years, I was poked and prodded, taken to Healers and doctors, as my parents tried to find a cure. But there isn't one, and that was the end of my life. Even as a child, I recognised it." He scrubbed a hand over his face. "It wasn't true, of course. Life kept going, and I came to Hogwarts."

You know, I wish I could force myself to write more about Remus and the bite and Remus as werewolf. I think that so much of what's out there around that is so awful (bestiality sex, anyone?) that I tend to just shy away from it all together, but there's so much of Remus tied up in it. Like, okay: the most horrible thing that can really happen to a person, it happens to Remus every month. And I think that has a lot to do with his ability to just pick up and keep moving, no matter what. Anyway, that's my problem, not Lise's. But I think she does a nice parallel, here, setting the bite up to be the first worst thing that's ever happened to him.

While he paused, again, Harry wondered if he should say anything, but thought better of it. Remus refused to look at him while he spoke, but in the tilt of his head Harry could clearly see he was in pain. "Several times in my life I've felt the bottom fall out of my world, Harry, the first time the day of that bite. Each time I thought it was for real - but it wasn't. Because it happened last June."

long story short - that line, "Because it happened last June", fueled the whole fic. completely. because I went crazy in June, partly because of the stupid book, and so. yeah.

Didn't we all, baby?

After a moment, he straightened up. "But I have to act like nothing's happened because otherwise I wouldn't be able to function. And there are constantly things to get done." He clasped his hands in his lap, and added, "I hope that suffices, because I don't know what else to say. You're dismissed."

There's a part of me, obviously, that wants Remus to cry and and for him and Harry to hug and offer each other comfort and other heartwarming bullshit like that. But props to Lise for not giving into that, because that's not Remus. Remus is the guy who wouldn't even let himself put his hand on Harry's shoulder in book three when Harry told him he hears his parents' deaths when he's near dementors. He's so controlled around Harry. I talked about this a lot in my "no one ever said it would be this hard" commentary, so I won't go on and on, but this is just such a perfect scene because it leaves me wanting something I know I can't have.

Harry left, murmuring an, "I'm sorry," on the way out.

another long story short - I never saw Remus as the type to mourn and die inside forever. He would be, he would be full of grief, but he wouldn't shut down, and he would be able to continue. I always thought. So, yeah. I never once wanted Remus to find himself wallowing. Because it just doesn't feel like something he would do.

~

In the Gryffindor common room later that night, Harry had thrust aside his Transfiguration, his Charms, and his Potions in favour of staring at a piece of parchment with the line why people could or would trust me at the top of the left hand half, and why people should or would not trust me on the right. He didn't hesitate in writing because half the wizard world thinks I'm mad under 'wouldn't', and snorted, frowning.

"What are you at, mate?" Ron asked him, peering over his shoulder. He saw the parchment, and nodded. "Ah, yeah. All I've got is I'm a prefect so far. You can at least put down you faced You-Know," and at Harry's look, he gulped and said low, "Voldemort. you faced, well, him, more than once."

also, the name Voldemort - I wanted them all saying it, at the end. Because, it's something I noticed that's a huge difference between the old Order and the new - the only people that really say his name come from the old Order, and only a few of those. Remus, Sirius, assumedly James. Hagrid and McGonagall usually say You-Know-Who. but Remus doesn't.

but then, I have huge long theories regarding the old Order and how having been in the Order and surviving the first time would have differentiated them from anyone else alive today, and thus how Molly and Arthur, for example. like. no matter how they try to understand what's going on and what needs to be done - they can't. because they haven't done this before. but that's a tangeant.

I think this is really true and I wonder if part of the differentiation is that the people who were in the Order the first time know just how much they basically won the war for absolutely no good reason whatsoever. I mean, we don't know a lot about the state of the war up to the point of the Potters' deaths, but I kind of get the impression that it wasn't going all that well. And then Voldemort is gone and everyone is too quick to call him "dead" when he's really just gone and Dumbledore says, somewhere, that he always knew that Voldemort would be back, but he's not exactly in the majority on that one. Anyway, that's an even bigger tangent, so.

Harry wrote that down, under 'could trust me'. He sighed. "This is a lot harder than it seems."

Ron nodded heavily. "And we can't even copy off Hermione this time." He made as if to tick points off his fingers. " 'I've read every book in the library, I'm very clever, and I can do any spell I put my mind to.' She's got not trouble."

Harry gave up for the minute, sliding the piece away. He needed to think about things more before he could come up with anything. "Wonder who'll drop the class?" he asked. "Can't say that I'd mind if we didn't have to have classes with--"

Ron finished, "Malfoy and those bastards?" Harry nodded. "I want to know how Lupin's going to handle teaching seven years of Defense Against the Dark Arts in one day."

"He isn't," and Hermione plopped down beside them, out of breath. "I asked McGonagall, and she told me there was a substitute teacher for the lower years. Someone the Ministry approves of, and who'll focus on O.W.L. level teaching. Professor Lupin is only responsible for us and the seventh years."

"Well, that means that nearly everyone Harry taught last year will be in Lupin's class." Ron opened a Chocolate Frog. "Ginny's going to be mad she can't join us."

Hermione was already pulling books out to do her homework. "Perhaps she'll be allowed. It seems like such a waste when she knows tons more than will be needed for her O.W.L." She lowered her voice. "McGonagall let slip that the Ministry revised their O.W.L.s, too, made the defensive one easier."

okay, I fully admit it. I fudged the usual class setup in order to rationally make this work, and then made it even more ludacris - that's spelled wrong but since the rapper, I can't spell it right anymore - by inserting Ginny, Colin and Luna. but hey. maybe it could happen. maybe they'd offer a distance ed alternative, and another teacher. it happens once and a while.

Harry shook his head, momentarily disgusted enough that he forgot all about the piles of homework he had to finish and quite likely wouldn't. "Of course they did," he spat out.

"Let's, let's not talk about that right now," Hermione started. "We can't change that--"

She and Ron started arguing about the uselessness of the Ministry, with both of them taking for and against: first Ron defended it because of his father, then Hermione did when Ron called Fudge an imbecile, then Ron again when Hermione started in on other beings' rights. Harry mentally stuffed his fingers in his ears, and pulled out parchment to work.

~

"Well then." Professor Lupin was waiting for them at nine o'clock next Wednesday, sitting cheerily behind his desk.

The notice that their Defense Against the Dark Arts class was going to be the next day had set several people into a panic about finishing the three assignments he'd set. Harry, already having handed in his question, and planning to talk about what happened with Bartemius Crouch, Junior, had been left staring at his list of trustworthy traits.

He was still staring at them as Professor Lupin came around to check off they'd completed it. He leaned over and saw Hermione's arm partially blocking a nearly-full piece of parchment. However when he passed Harry's desk, he checked something off without comment, despite the fact Harry only had three pitiful things written down.

Harry looked around. It was odd to see the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom so empty; since Professor Lupin wasn't staying at the school, Harry figured he'd opted to leave his things in London, at the house. It made the whole place look rather empty, and depressing. Not that the house in London was much cheerier, especially not--

One thing I was adamant about was, I didn't want to ever say, either in narrative or in dialogue, Sirius's name. I didn't really even want to say the word "death" anywhere until the very end.

Somewhat less coherently, I note: Oh my god, the house in London, where Remus is all alone. Oh, I can feel the sobs coming.

"Now then," Professor Lupin said, and Harry snapped his head up. "I have this stack of very interesting questions you have posed to me, and I intend to answer them. Let's get to the first and most important one: what am I doing here. I am here to teach you how to defend yourself, because we all know - and the Ministry has announced - that there is a genuine threat out there, one that you should be very concerned in being prepared to face. Many of you took it upon yourselves to prepare last year, which will be the basis I intend to start from." People looked at each other; Harry thought many people were in for even more surprises.

this is totally thanks to the fact that the DA in OotP was probably the most exciting thing in the whole book, for me. when I first got to the part where Harry was teaching them curses and stuff, it was four thirty in the morning and I called kel to squeal. anyway.

The time that we spent on the phone between two and six am the night that OOTP came out was some of the most classic and beautiful time in our crazy and twisted friendship. I remember being in a diner at two in the morning eating a BLT sandwich and just opening OOTP (because I'd had to stand in line for 160 minutes to get it), having only slept something like seven hours in the last forty and realizing that I could call Lise and that she'd be awake, too, and laughing out loud at my table.

A hand went into the air; a girl from Ravenclaw. "What about--"

Professor Lupin interrupted. "We will be working hard to make sure everyone who elects to take these more unusual lessons is capable." The Ravenclaw put her hand down. "Secondly, why am I here when you all have heard what I am?" Harry might have been mistaken, but he thought Professor Lupin's voice shook a tad. "The answer is, I will not be around more than one day a week; I am still living elsewhere, not on school grounds, travelling to the school when I am able rather than residing here. If this is unprecedented, I think everyone would agree it is better than the possibility of something untoward happening. And no one need stay in these lessons. In fact," Professor Lupin finished, quieter, "you need have no contact with me at all."

"That's ridiculous," Dean burst out with, "how could anyone--"

Professor Lupin put his hand up, and Dean subsided with an apology. "I appreciate the sentiment, Dean, but one of these parchments asks the question how Dumbledore could let a dark creature become part of the faculty. I am answering that person.

"Thirdly, the precautions being taken about my condition are as follows: I am not living at the school. I am drinking wolfsbane potion. I do not intend to be at the school during a full moon, regardless."

Professor Lupin shuffled the papers around some, and set a large stack aside. "The rest are a little more interesting - here's someone who wants to know what other duties I could have away from the school." He put yet another parchment aside, and looked at the class gravely. Harry felt a sudden pounding in his heart. If Remus was going to--

here was where there was going to be a lot more talk about what people wanted to know from him. but it just didn't fit. so I didn't write all of what I had planned out. At one point, I wanted him to say he'd faced the Dark Lord three times, and survived - and then I wanted someone to ask why he'd call Voldemort that, and then have Remus do the "fear of a name increases fear of the thing, so say his goddamned name" part - but it was just too much, so.

"Two years ago, Dumbledore told you all that one of your fellow students, Cedric, was killed by Voldemort." Gasps went up in the class, and Ron, beside Harry, went very white. Harry tried not to sigh. Professor Lupin saw both the gasps and Harry's slightly disdainful expression, and told them all quickly, "You'd best get used to it. I intend to say Voldemort, as loud and as often as possible, in order to get you used to it. Fear of a name," he said, "increases fear of the thing."

"But Professor," Susan Bones started, "he, he's something to be fearful of, isn't he? No one," and she looked around uncertainly, "well, even with what you could, teach us. Could we really..."

She trailed off, but Professor Lupin took up the sentence. "Could you really survive?" He waited a moment, as did the class, and then the Professor slowly pointed at Harry. "I hate to single Harry out, as I'm sure he's had enough of it already, but there's at least one student in this classroom who has already faced Voldemort himself - more than once - and survived. Several more students faced the most horrible and cruel Death Eaters, and suffered no casualties--"

These little moments of controlled pain in Remus just kill me.

Remus broke off for a minute. Harry saw his face tense up, just slightly, and then relax again. Even the most minute acknowledgement of what happened, it hurt. Harry balled his fists up under the desk, and felt sorry for Professor Lupin, who had no such option. He smiled, finally, and asked, "Neville, would you please come up to the front of the class?"

Gone were the days when Neville was too frightened to do anything in class, and he stood up readily, only looking a little anxious when he reached the Professor. "Yes?"

randomly: I adore Neville. and him in the DA especially.

"Neville is one of those students who has faced most frightening adversaries and lived. Neville, did you expect to survive? Against the Death Eaters you battled?"

He looked around, nervous, and swallowed. "Not. Not really."

"But you did." Professor Lupin took his wand out, and stepped back. Harry saw Neville's hand going for his pocket too, though his face and his stance hasn't changed. Professor Lupin relaxed again, looking pleased. "You see what Neville did just there?"

There were a few murmurs, and finally Ernie Macmillan put his hand up. "It looked like he was getting ready to pull out his wand."

"That's right!" Professor Lupin gestured for Neville to take his seat. "Five points to both of you. Now, why was he going for his wand?"

Ernie looked around. "I, I don't know."

"Neville?"

Neville sat back down beside Ron, and went pink. "I'm not sure myself, Professor." He shook his head.

Professor Lupin put his wand back in his pocket, and leaned against his empty desk. Harry wondered where his briefcase was; it didn't seem like he was bringing anything to class at all. "That's right, you didn't know why you did it - but you did. A survival instinct," he added kindly, "that you learned out of necessity and under great stress." He turned to the whole class. "The same instinct may very well save your life.

Kind of long story. This is something that came from other stories I've written, and I think I stole it actually from a really old skool x-men story called Blind Sight by Valerie Jones. There's a scene, where Gambit is asleep, and Rogue goes to wake him up - and it's a pretty tense time, they're on the run and stuff - and before he's even awake, he's got a Glock in his hand. and it's that idea, that going for your weapon becomes *reflex*, that I really latched onto. I think I wrote it into a bunch of the Marauders stories I did, too - that going for your wand, that holding your wand, becomes instinctual. Possibly it's in the story I haven't posted yet, the graduation story, where the Marauders really learn this completely, but I always envisioned Remus and Sirius both, being able to go for their wands, being able to duel, to battle, without thinking.

so I really really wanted to bring it into this story, which is basically Remus passing on all the useful knowledge he has to the next generation of fighter - painful knowledge or otherwise. This lesson isn't something he wants to teach them, but he knows that it's something that could save their lives. So he points it out, and then later (in the dueling scenes) sets up situations where they grow to develop the instinct. all of that translates basically into: this whole thing with the wand is something I've always thought was really important.

okay, no more talking about wand instincts.

Lise said something in her guest commentary for "no one ever said it would be this hard" about Remus being the last of a marked generation and how his generation was always marked for extinction. Which, I have to wonder if he's starting to feel that, at this point, feeling the press to pass on what he can.

"I was in Morocco one week," Professor Lupin told them idly, "and the only reason I didn't lose a leg, or worse, to a Death Eater is because I had my wand out before I was even awake. It is probably redundant to tell you to be constantly vigilant," and everyone grinned, "but the truth is, that's the best way to defend yourself."

Susan put her hand up shyly. "Professor, you never did tell us what your other duties were."

Professor Lupin nodded. "No, I did not." He squinted at the class for a minute. "I have given you ample clues, however. Can any of you take a guess?"

Harry, Ron and Hermione looked at each other, and then at Professor Lupin; he looked at them, and smiled, just barely. Harry didn't bother putting his hand up; he figured it would be rather unfair for one of them to answer, considering they'd already been told. Finally, Susan raised her hand. "You did start by talking about how, Cedric died." She glanced at Harry. "So, does it have to do with, You-Know-Who?"

"Voldemort please, Susan," Professor Lupin answered. "And quite."

"You've fought Death Eaters!" Seamus said, getting excited. "So are you an Auror?"

I'm still not sure I managed to do the characterization on all the secondary students so well. Little generic in places, maybe. but here at least, is a prime example of how this story tries to be like the original books - and where I was totally afraid it sucked because of it.

"No," and Remus's face was oddly closed off, "certain things disqualify me."

"Oh," Seamus said, disappointed. "And I guess you couldn't work for the Ministry, either, then."

"Not likely, no," Professor Lupin told him. "But I am working to stop Voldemort, and that is all the detail I intend to give you for now. Five points to both of you. You're all doing very well."

random: I kept forgetting that they got awarded house points, and had to add in Remus giving them points later on.

"Sir, why did you have us write our questions down," Lavender asked, hand up, "rather than just answering them?"

Professor Lupin looked at her for a long, moment, then raised his voice so that everyone could hear him clearly. "The most important weapon you have," he said slowly, "is your own capacity to reason. It's there, even if your wand, your allies aren't. Being able to puzzle out the whys of things is a very important skill if you want to protect yourselves against those that would wish to harm you. I want to encourage you to think things through very carefully." He flipped through the pages, and finally pulled another one out. "Now. Here's the last question for today: why did Dumbledore choose you, in particular."

there's basically what I wanted Remus to be trying to teach, in a nutshell.

Remus hesitated, and Harry saw him glance at Hermione. It must have been her question. "That, I don't know."

~

"We're not going into the Forest, are we?" Harry asked Professor Lupin. Their entire class, after a short break, had left their books and notes inside, and trouped outside. They were joined by the rest of the seventh years, who had obviously had their classroom hour with Professor Lupin before the sixths.

again, the seventh years having classroom hour earlier - totally fudged class time. Er.

The Professor shook his head, and several of the Gryffindors close to them looked relieved. "The centaurs have made it quite clear we aren't welcome. But there's plenty of space to practise outside."

"Practise?"

"Yeh'd rather duel out here than in that room again, wouldn't yah?" Hagrid stomped up, with Ginny Weasley and Colin Creevy in tow. Luna Lovegood trailed after them. "Here's the last of them, Remus. They'll have to make up their Transfiguration homework," and he stared at Ginny and Colin severely, "or they can't come again."

Hagrid's accent, oh my god. I was so nervous, trying to write Hagrid speaking. The only person that made me more afraid I was fucking up their speech patterns was Dung. not to mention that one of the worst parts of writing x-men fic is the ridiculousness of writing in a Cajun or southern accent; it really makes you want to go easy on it, rather than heavy.

Yeah, man, that might be the only accent in the book worse than Dung's. And I think the first sentence is good? But if I'd betaed this, I would have made you dirty up the rest of it, swapped "them" for "'em", painful bullshit like that.

Professor Lupin smiled. "Thanks. How are things progressing?"

Hagrid glanced around. "Yer obstacles are half done, I'd say. Ready for next class."

"Good." Harry, Ron and Hermione ran up. "You've got a second," Professor Lupin told them with a grin, and left to gather up the rest of the class into a loose circle.

"How are you, Hagrid?" Harry couldn't help but smile at him. Defense days were shaping up to be the best lessons possible; especially if Hagrid as well as Professor Lupin were teaching them.

"All righ'," and then Hagrid chuckled. "Best you get to your class. We'll have tea tomorrow."

As he wandered off, Harry, Ron and Hermione took their places in the semi-circle. Professor Lupin was standing at the side, and he said, "All right, please arrange yourselves according to the Dark Wizard you chose to research. This might take a few minutes, but try to hurry. We only have one day a week, you know."

Harry looked around, bewildered. Ernie, who was standing beside him, asked, "Who did you do?"

Harry said, "Bartemius Crouch, Junior," and then Ernie sighed. "You?"

"Augustus Rookwood. Spy in the Ministry." Harry nodded; he'd seen Rookwood named in Dumbledore's Pensieve. "Suppose I'd better find out if anyone else chose him."

Ron said, with great satisfaction, "I focused on old Malfoy." He stretched, looking around. "Funny that he's here today."

Randomly - Ron doing Lucius Malfoy in a class excersise totally cracks me up.

"Yeah." They stared at Draco, who was muttering off to the side, with a self-satisfied smirk on his face. "Wouldn't have thought they'd stooped to taking classes from a--"

"Werewolf?" Ron nodded. "Class got a little thinner - not much though. This is bloody ridiculous."

The two of them watched, as people milled around, asking each other about their chosen figures. Beside them, Hermione tutted. "Oh for heaven's sake." She pulled out her wand, and wrote 'Lucius Malfoy' right above Ron's head, 'Bartemius Crouch' above Harry's, and 'Antonin Dolohov' over her own. A few students looked over, pointed, and then several more wands came out.

"Hermione," Neville said, walking over quickly, "can you show me how to do that?"

"Like this," and she told him the spell. Neville stood beside them, a determined look on his face, and wrote 'Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange' in front of himself.

Harry swallowed thickly.

I always intended Neville to be someone who benefitted very quickly from Remus's lessons - like, he was ready and willing to change into the kind of person that could fight Voldemort, just like he started to change in the DA. and having Harry and everyone see him at St. Mungo's must have been a hard, hard blow. One that maybe pushed him towards being something else.

the idea is that some of these kids are willing - even eager - to adapt themselves, their outlooks, everything about themselves, in order to be the person that is capable of taking on Death Eaters. It's maybe not going to happen in the books, because people are rarely as sensible as you want them to be, especially in the HP universe. But it's just really something that fascinates me, the idea that there's all this potential for molding these kids into the kinds of people that can face off killers. and that they might step up to the plate willingly. Of course, it's also Dumbledore manipulating them into these roles, to a certain degree, but just the fact that they're putting themselves out there, they're taking on these burdens, and they *are* changing. It's a win for common sense.

which, I hate stories where people don't have common sense. and of all the people Harry, Ron and Hermione know, Remus is probably the best equipped to teach it to them. Molly HAS no common sense, Dumbledore is too subtle, and Moody would just shake them silly until they got it. Remus, though, he's practical - being of the old Order - and yet someone they like and admire. so that's partly what this is about. teaching the kids some common sense, whether it hurts or not. because I want to see them learn some.

</tangent>

When everyone had sorted themselves out - Harry and Ron were alone in their choices, though Hermione had been joined by Sarah Prewett - Harry examined the class. Everywhere Harry looked, he saw students standing under the names of the Death Eaters that had killed their families. Susan Bones, along with two others, was standing under the name Travers. Her face was set. No one was smiling.

again, a painful lesson, seeing people ringed under the names that killed people they knew, but a necessary one.

Neville's group, however, was possibly the largest, with two seventh years and another sixth year standing behind Neville. Bellatrix and Rodolphus - Harry's fists clenched - were some of the most well known supporters of Voldemort. Their torture of the Longbottoms was infamous, and anyone who wanted to talk about the lengths to which a Death Eater would go for their Lord, the horror Voldemort's followers inflicted, brought up their names. Neville's arms were crossed. The only group attracting more attention than Neville's was--

no mention of Sirius's actual name, again.

"All right," Professor Lupin said, looking around. "Let's begin. We're going to discuss the crimes that--" and then he broke off, staring at what Harry had seen. Harry was too busy trying to will his body not to punch Draco Malfoy's smiling face.

He was standing right under a magic banner that read Black, Sir--

and again.

Okay, honestly. Up until Lise showed me this part of the story, I don't think I'd fully comprehended that Sirius died a wanted Death Eater. And, in death, Sirius is going to be known as a wanted Death Eater. Like, would anyone bother to clear he name after he was dead? Would they even be able to? Like, would the Ministry take Dumbledore's word for it, at that point? Probably not. And there'd just be too much to do. God, that's the most fucking tragic thing ever. I'm not even going to get into who recovered his body and whether the Magical Law Enforcement Squad got their hands on it, because I think Lise would kill me.

"What's the matter, Professor?"

Professor Lupin stared at Draco, Crabbe and Goyle - who looked even dimmer than usual, if that was possible - and then pulled his wand out slowly. Draco's smile slipped a little. "An interesting choice," Remus said. He addressed his next question to Draco in particular. "Why did you pick this particular wizard?"

Draco smiled widely, but kept his eyes on Remus's wand. He smoothed his hair back. "He killed thirteen Muggles and a wizard named Peter Pettigrew. I found out that he turned the Potters', his best friends, into the Dark Lord. Surely, he was the worst of--"

"Yes," Remus interrupted quickly. Hermione had put a hand on Harry's shoulder surreptitiously, and she was squeezing it, hard. "Thank you. I think. Yes." It was obvious that Remus had utterly lost his place in the lesson, and had to look away from the name before he could address the class. "As some of you also chose Ludo Bagman, I want to stress the importance of looking at the evidence from all sides." He went to the chair he'd brought out with him, and sat down heavily, then looked at his wand. "I am going to ask, however, that you hold off on this particular case," and he waved his wand, dispelling the letters from the air.

"Are we in trouble?" Draco asked innocently.

"No, no," and he stood up again, "No." He looked at Draco. "I expect that you have somewhere else to be, Mr. Malfoy?"

Draco didn't look happy at all. He started, "But sir, Siri--"

and Remus cut him off again. "Draco," he started, "I don't know as you, or Vincent and Gregory, can be completely impartial in this lesson, knowing your parents' involvement. Why don't you go back to the castle?"

Is it obvious that I really don't like Draco? long story short: I think he's a snot. whether he's evil or not, he's a snot. and that's what I don't like about him. It was so nice to write him out of the whole story so easily, so I didn't have to write him. cop-out? sure. but it's definitely better than me trying to write Draco at all. I would have butchered him, and obviously so.

The tone was pleasant, if a little forced. Draco opened his mouth to object, and then his eyes strayed to Remus's hand. He still had his wand out. The three of them stalked away, Draco muttering. Harry swallowed, fighting down bile. He really really wanted to go after Draco and curse him into the ground.

"Not now," Hermione hissed at him, face scrunched up. "Professor Lupin might get in trouble."

"But--"

"Harry," and she kept her hand on his shoulder, tight, "did you see his face?" She looked at the teacher, who was counting off the students carefully. "He was close to hexing Malfoy himself."

Rereading this just now, I'm only now noticing that it's Hermione that constantly sees when Remus is upset. Huh. I guess that's in character though. She figures out everyone's emotional moods pretty easily.

She was also the only one who figured out that Remus was a werewolf! So it kind of makes sense.

"Too bad he didn't," Harry muttered. Ron was watching him nervously. "All right, fine," and Harry pulled away from Hermione resentfully. Let her talk about being reasonable, let her--

Remus turned around, and Harry was startled to see how white his face was. Remus blinked, rapidly, while he wasn't facing the rest of the students, and then carefully put his wand back in his robes. "All right," he said, turning around. "Let's begin. Would anyone like to go first?"

Hermione raised her arm, of course, and so he nodded to her. "Antonin Dolohov was one of, of Voldemort's Death Eaters," she said. "He killed Muggles, and tortured them, as well as wizards."

Sarah Prewett, a girl Harry didn't know well, spoke up next. "He was one of five Death Eaters that murdered my uncles. They were blown to bits," she said flatly.

Hermione added, "last year, he nearly killed me, as well."

Remus ignored the looks students were giving each other, and the whispers, and asked them, "Who caught him?"

Hermione hesitated. "It isn't stated in the Ministry records, but one of the Aurors. He was caught right after, well, Harry, banished Voldemort."

Remus nodded at them, kindly, and asked the two of them, "and where is he now?"

Sarah frowned. "He was caught by the Ministry last June, and re-imprisoned. But who knows if he'll stay there."

"Do you know how he is being guarded?"

Sarah and Hermione looked at each other. Hermione bit her lip. Harry knew why she was concerned; they had a few theories on that, but since the Dementors weren't to be trusted, they didn't know what was keeping the Death Eaters in Azkaban. Sarah finally admitted, "no."

"Very good," Remus said. "All right, who would like to go next?"

Harry listened, numb, as the histories and crimes of dozens of Death Eaters were spewed off. In several cases, Remus asked questions the students couldn't answer - not even Hermione knew how Mad Eye Moody had brought Evan Rosier down, for example. He didn't really care, he was just dreading Neville's turn.

again, a cop-out - listing Death Eaters' histories, when we know so little about them, is just asking to be totally Jossed. of course, this whole story is going to be false when we get book six, but still.

Harry snapped back into focus, hearing Ron regale the class with what Alastor Moody went on record as having suspected Lucius Malfoy of doing. He was just saying, "but he weaseled out of the charges, the first time anyway."

Harry knew that the class was grinning; Draco was not well-liked by anyone. Even Remus seemed a little happier. "And where is he now?"

Ron said with great satisfaction, "in prison. He and a bunch of other Death Eaters broke into the Ministry last June to--" and he faltered. "They were caught."

Remus studied him. "Do you know what they were trying to do?"

Ron blinked, and looked at Harry for support. Obviously, he didn't know whether to answer truthfully or not. "Yes..."

"And why is that?"

Ron stood up a little straighter. "Because I was there, with Ginny, Neville, Hermione, Luna, and Harry, and I helped stop them."

It's subtle manipulation, having Ron, and earlier Neville, talk about their battles. It shows people that, yes, it's possible. What you know can save your life. It's nothing fancy - like Harry tells them when Hermione's trying to talk him into teaching them in OotP. But Remus knows that, just like Harry does, because Remus has been on the 'front lines', too. What Remus also knows is, the only thing you can do is fight to stay alive. Because hey, he's still alive, even if no one else he knows is.

It's also such a logical progression from what we see of Harry and his involvement with the DA in the fifth book. Two of my favorite Harry moments (totally me too, these two moments were constantly in my mind while writing this Harry) in all of OOTP are the part where Ron and Hermione are trying to convince him to start the DA and he's acting like he doesn't know enough and they're, they laugh at him, and he shouts, "You don't know what it's like!" And there's that whole horrible painful rant that comes after that about what it's like to face Voldemort that just leaves me aching for Harry, because he doesn't talk much, about what he's been through.

So that and then, once they start up with the DA, and someone says that practicing "expelliarmus" isn't exactly going to help them fight Voldemort and Harry's like, "I've used it against him," or something like that, and that shuts everyone else right up.

Basically, this is a very long-winded way of saying that the game changes in sixth year, because Harry's not the only one who knows anymore, and people like Neville and Ron can speak that truth with him. And I think that's really powerful and possibly the only thing that would keep Harry from going bat-shit crazy.

Another murmur went through the class, and Ernie - who was standing beside Ron - started to ask what happened. Remus held his hand up for quiet. "Thank you very much, Ron." He nodded. "Now, Harry, if you would."

Harry nodded, and faced the class finally. He could barely feel his hands; the image of that name hovering over Draco's smiling face, was burned into his mind. "Bartemius Crouch Junior was, obviously, the son of Bartemius Crouch Senior. He was likely going to be Minister of Magic because people approved of his harsh methods for dealing with Death Eaters; when his son was arrested, he lost all of his support."

"What were his crimes?"

Harry gathered a breath. "It's hard to say, but the one that he was imprisoned for was the torture of a popular Auror and his wife." He spared a glance for Neville, though all he could see on Neville's face was faint anger. Harry stopped there; he didn't have the right to tell everyone who Neville's parents were.

Remus accepted this. "What happened after he was imprisoned?"

Harry spoke rapidly. "He escaped from prison; everyone knows the story now. Voldemort rescued him from his father's control; they killed his father, impersonated Professor Moody in our fourth year, and tricked me into winning the Triwizard Tournament." He took a breath. "The cup was a portkey, and it transported both Cedric and me to Voldemort, who rose, with a body. Dumbledore caught him, got the full story, and then Crouch received a Dementor's Kiss, so he couldn't tell anyone else, and hardly anyone believed it."

Harry finished, and tried to keep the bitterness out of his face. In a way, he felt relieved. Somehow, even though everyone knew the story, giving even that many details felt oddly freeing. He finally looked around; no one was staring at him as if he was a celebrity - except Colin Creevy. Harry sighed. He had a feeling that he'd have to get used to Colin's stares, since they weren't diminishing at all. But Ernie, beside him, was listening politely, not with his eyes wide. Susan Bones looked sympathetic. Hermione was biting her lip.

Harry still hasn't talked about that day with Cedric with his classmates, even if he did do a newspaper article on it. So saying it, even so late in the game, would probably be hard. but gratifying.

Remus nodded slowly. "Thank you, Harry. Full marks. Now I believe the only group left to go is Neville. Neville, would you like to begin?"

Neville's part, man. it kind of chokes me up, thinking about him announcing it to the class, even if I wrote it. I just adore Neville. what kind of courage do you need to stand up and talk about something like this? Harry couldn't do it. of course, Harry's grief is much fresher in his mind.

Neville stepped forward, and took a deep breath. "Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange were two of, of Vo-voldemort's cruellest supporters. They tortured people because they liked it. Harry already talked about the case that they were imprisoned for; the torture of an Auror and his wife. Frank and Alice Longbottom."

The class was still.

"They, along with Rabastan Lestrange and Bartemius Crouch, tortured the, the Longbottoms until they lost their minds. They thought that it would be possible to find out where You-Know -- where Voldemort, went, after he was banished."

The class was silent.

Neville's voice rose. "Last year, the Lestranges broke into the Ministry, along with all the other Death Eaters, and tried to kill Harry and us, and a bunch of other wizards, too. We survived, but Bellatrix managed to, she killed someone." He paused. "She laughed about it." As an afterthought, he added, "and she escaped with Voldemort."

I think that's the only mention of the word "kill" in the whole story. And Neville says it.

The class didn't even breathe.

Harry's stomach was roiling, and unbidden, the moment Neville was narrating flooded back to him. The fight, the terror, the heart-pounding. Harry could see the class clearly, the blue sky, Ron and Hermione's white faces - and yet he was back in the Department of Mysteries.

Remus licked his lips, and said, "thank you, Neville." His words broke the spell of silence. He pulled his wand out, and waved it; all the letters dissipated, Bella's name first. "Thank you." He looked around. "I need a few minutes to get the next part of the lesson ready. Please don't go anywhere, our time is limited."

Harry watched his rapidly retreating back, and followed Remus's outline until he disappeared by Hagrid's hut. It was all he could do to breathe properly. "Harry?" Ron asked. "Harry."

"Yeah." Harry forced himself back. People were all staring at each other, curiously. Neville was staring back defiantly, as if daring someone to ask him about his parents. Harry scrubbed his face, and turned to Neville. "Neville, that must have been hard," he said, low.

"Kind of," Neville admitted. "But now it's out there."

"Yeah," Harry echoed.

Hermione glared fiercely at Colin, who was edging towards them. He smiled brightly at her, but backed off. "Did you see Professor Lupin, though?" she asked, worried. "He looked so. Lost."

"What?" Ron looked at her as if she was crazy. "What are you talking about?"

"Hermione, he set the lesson." Harry crossed his arms. Professor Lupin couldn't have picked a more insensitive first lesson. First he asks them to talk about the Death Eaters, then Neville spills about--

again, Hermione seeing what's wrong with Remus, and the narrative cutting off before Sirius's name is said. The whole, not saying Sirius's name thing, actually came from my own grief - last June, man. I totally couldn't even deal with seeing Sirius's name in print. I couldn't write it out, I couldn't type it out. I couldn't say it. I'm not sure if it's a common aspect of grief or not, but.

"It looked like he wanted to cry," she finally stated. "Please, don't be angry, Harry, but you're, you're not the only one grieving. Please." Hermione put a hand on his shoulder again, which he shook off. But he couldn't argue with her. He wasn't the only one grieving.

I'm not sure if I have anything else to say here but a-fucking-men.

It took Professor Lupin a full ten minutes to come back. When he did finally emerge from Hagrid's house, his eyes were red.

Oh, Remus. okay. I said that this commentary was going to be a lot about how I didn't find this story sad? but that's sad.

~

"Many of you have already perceived one of the biggest challenges we face in this class," Remus said. "And that is that about half of you had admirable lessons last year, despite certain setbacks, which the other half regrettably missed out on. In order to bring the whole class up to speed, I'm going to split you into pairs, and you'll be responsible for teaching the standard list of spells that Harry went through last year to your partner." People looked surprised at this, not least of all Harry. "Now, let's split up, and if you can't find a partner, let me know."

Hermione and Ron were whisked away by a Hufflepuff boy and a Ravenclaw girl, respectively. The Gryffindor sixth years found themselves in high demand - most likely because of their startling admissions. No less than three seventh year girls asked if Neville was free. He blushed and stammered, and finally ended up showing a tall blonde girl named Mina how to set up to duel. Harry stared around, a little out of sorts. Ginny even found herself standing happily beside a tall black haired boy.

Incidental characters are so hard to create. like. Mina? Sure. Also, randomly, I really really missed not having Fred and George, or Angelina, to write.

"All right, Harry," Remus said quietly, "you and I will observe, is that fine with you? You have some experience with teaching already, and I can't manage this large a class on my own."

Harry swallowed. "All right. I guess, I can do that."

Because Harry took a shine to teaching. And I think Remus would recognise that.

I may have a pet theory that Harry will end up a professor rather than an Auror. Just sayin'.

Obviously, I have a fondness for Harry as an Auror, but the thought of him teaching - especially once the shiz-nit goes down and is over with, I'm right there with you.

"It looks like everyone's found someone." Remus stepped away from Harry, and called out, "All right, let's begin! We'll go through the simplest spell, and I have every confidence that you will all perfect it by the end of class. Expelliarmus, if you please."

Harry wandered around, much like when he was teaching the DA, and helped people who were having difficulties. Other than Colin accidentally hitting Hermione, they managed to all get that one down remarkably quickly. They moved on, and by dinner time, despite the minor bumps and bruises, everyone was cheery and talking about the lesson.

"A moment, if you will!" Remus called out. The class ringed around him once more. "I wanted to have a last word with you before I leave." He pulled out a sheaf of parchment from the case he'd retrieved, and handed them to Harry. "This is a list of spells I'd like you to practise. Your partners will be around if you need help. I don't expect you to get all of these the first try, but do practise as much as you can." He was looking at his wrist watch again, and Harry got the feeling that he was feeling rather rushed. "One more thing I want to tell you." He clamped his suitcase closed. "I assigned you the task of researching the crimes of Death Eaters in order to see exactly what kind of things you must protect yourselves against, and asked you to present your research so that you could see the damage these crimes have had - not only on the population as a whole, but on the people and faces we know, knew, personally."

again, some exposition about why, exactly, Remus wanted them to do these hard things. Because I really, I wanted to make sure that no matter how inexplicable and how painful, everything Remus did and said was supposed to show the kids something important. Even Remus's grief, he used it as a tool for instruction. He only really loses it when he sees Draco and Sirius's name.

Harry swallowed. He didn't think that the lesson had been easy on Remus, either.

"Now that you've seen the full extent of Voldemort's powers, and have read about the cruelty he wields, you should know how serious this is." Remus checked the time again. "But you should also know, even from this first lesson, that it is possible to defend yourselves. It has been done before, and will be done again. So practise hard!" He checked his watch a final time, and then nodded. "All right, head back to the castle for tea now. I've got to go."

Ginny wandered up to Harry and Ron. Harry was staring at Remus's retreating back, again, and Ron was staring at Hagrid's cabin. "This is wicked, isn't it?" she asked them. "Finally, a proper class. And I can join you! I'm so pleased McGonagall let me come; I was afraid that because Colin and I were a year below you, we wouldn't be allowed." Ginny snorted. "As if we'll have any trouble with our O.W.L.s."

"Did you see that?" Ron asked.

Harry blinked. He'd lost sight of Remus, and he was gone. "See what?"

"I could have sworn that something moved behind Hagrid's cabin."

this was a little plot thing that never really came to fruition - just how Remus was getting to and from the castle. It was kind of dropped later on in the story though, because the kids never do figure it out. I should have maybe taken this part out.

In "no one ever said it would be this hard," I had a bit about Remus leaving the castle (when he was watching Harry's Quidditch match) through a guest fire like the ones that you see at the Ministry, but I think Lise made me take it out for one reason or another. Maybe he leaves through my orphaned guest fire place.

Harry shrugged. "Let's go." They followed Hermione and the class back up to the castle, Ron glancing behind himself every few seconds. Harry was hungry enough that he didn't bother asking him again.

~

"Despite that fact that it might not be the most practical place to start, I've decided that we'll cover duelling in our first weeks." Remus surveyed the class with an amused face. "I dare say you'll find it interesting enough to not mind the change in curriculum?" Enthusiastic nods answered him. "I've asked Professor Flitwick to demonstrate, this week, as he is a champion duellist. He was kind enough to agree. I have had less experience than he, though," and Remus swallowed quickly, turning away as if to adjust his suitcase, "more than I'd like, the last months."

Something that I had in my mind from the very first line, was Remus continually pulling in 'guest lecturers' - partly in order to familiarize the kids with different members of the Order, partly to utilize every resource he has.

Aside from that brief conversation with him their first class, Harry hadn't had time to speak with Remus, about the Order or anything. He knew from the carefully worded letters Ron had sent him that summer that the Order was busy. Harry guessed they were recruiting, shoring defences up for the day when the Death Eaters would break out of prison again. They all knew it was a matter of time.

As they followed Remus into the Dining Hall, which was set up with a duelling ring much like when Lockhart had tried to begin a duelling club, Harry thought, watching Professor Lupin answer people's questions. Perhaps bringing in a member of the Order to teach them Defensive magic was less about passing O.W.L.s and more about keeping an eye on the school as well as teaching the current generation how to go into battle.

And here's a bit of why I think Dumbledore would have called Remus up to do this job, despite the pain and that it's akward, and causes problems cause he can't stay at the school. Part of it is, of course, that Remus is in pain. but it's also Dumbledore using his resources, too, and making sure that a member of the Order - one that has also been through Voldemort before - is on hand to give the kids, this new generation marked for extinction, as many survival techniques as possible.

which - I'll try to make this short - my take on Dumbledore has always been: he's not evil. He's not even a particularly bad man. He's just very good at getting people to do what he needs them to. almost too good. so he's good at manipulation, and thus not evil, just creepy. anyway.

I think, also, Dumbledore doesn't trust that people can be counted on to be stronger than their emotions. Does that make sense? Like, I think a lot of the way that Dumbledore kept Harry in the dark had to do with Dumbledore not believing that Harry could be stronger than the way that learning what there was to know about his once and future destiny would make him feel. And I can see Dumbledore not trusting Remus not to a) do something crazy or b) lie down in traffic if Dumbledore wasn't minding his business for him.

It was an uncomfortable thought, and Harry barely listened while Remus outlined what they were going to do. Professor Flitwick would be along momentarily - as soon as the fourth years were out of Charms - to show them the proper duelling technique. Then they were going to show everyone the most common ways to circumvent the proper duelling technique, to get a one-up on your opponent.

"Many people might ask why I would be teaching a class how to do this, especially seeing as how it's definitely not the honorable way to duel." Remus tied his shabby robes around himself, out of the way. "Can anyone take a guess? Anthony?"

This one was easy. Anthony didn't even hesitate. "Because there's no way to guarantee people are going to be honorable or polite - and in a fight, they probably won't be."

"Good. It might seem obvious, but I've seen many people nearly lose their, their lives," and he halted, dropping his wand arm. Remus closed his eyes, slowly, then opened them. "I've seen death occur because a person forgot that duelling is never predictable."

huh. there's the word "death". I guess maybe I wasn't as careful about using that word as I thought.

A squeaky voice from behind the class said, "A true if tragic sentence, Remus. Shall we begin?"

"Ah, Professor Flitwick! I do appreciate this." Remus gestured to the class. "All right, separate into your pairs. I think we'll run this exercise one by one. The professor and I will demonstrate."

The two teachers went through a simulated duel, Flitwick stopping often to point out one of the finer details of duelling. Harry forced himself to pay attention. Even if he'd probably already battled more often than anyone in the class ever would, Flitwick's comments on style were interesting, if not terribly useful, and his demonstration of different timing was astounding - he flattened Remus in ten seconds, and then in five, and oddly enough Remus could counter the five second but not the ten.

"Did you see that, class?" as Remus stood up again, rubbing the back of his head. "I couldn't predict when he would counter, and those extra few seconds he waited cost me the advantage."

Coming up with something that Flitwick could have demonstrated was hell. I mean, what do I know about duelling with wands?

This is how I got into Harry Potter: When I was seventeen, in 2000, I got roped into stage managing the first ever theatrical adaption of the first Harry Potter book in the world. Isn't that random? Anyway, the guy who played Flitwick was really gay and he had the gayest wand wave ever. It got to be a bit of a joke. He developed a prance. I have had difficulty taking Flitwick seriously ever since.

Harry sidled over to where Hermione, Ginny and Ron were standing, next to their partners. The four of them backed away from the class a little bit to talk privately. "I've been thinking," Harry started quietly, while Flitwick demonstrated a jinx they'd learned last year, "about why a member of the Order is teaching us."

Ginny looked thoughtful. "It's pretty obvious that Dumbledore doesn't trust your Defense class to someone not in the Order."

Ron nodded. "I heard mum say that if Remus wouldn't come, Dumbledore was going to have to ask one of the other members to do it."

"But if it were just, just me," Harry whispered - he was going to have to learn how to fight, there was no way around it, no matter how uncomfortable a thought it was - "he wouldn't hire a teacher for everyone, too."

Hermione had been quiet throughout this, watching the demonstration. The professors couldn't really see them, as far back in the group as they were. It wasn't likely that they would get told off for speaking anyway, and Harry knew what the lesson was going to entail - Remus had owled him a quick note the night before, carried by a post owl from Kent, which he'd shown both Ron and Hermione. She couldn't be worried about completing the lesson, then. "Do you think," Hermione finally whispered, "that Dumbledore wants us all. well. er." She glanced at Harry, and finished lamely, "ready?"

and again, here's that sentiment, voiced out loud - Dumbledore wants everyone to be ready for what's coming. It's not because he's evil, and intends to use the kids as cannon fodder. He's just a very practical man.

Even voicing the thought out loud made Harry balk; just thinking about it made him resentful, made him want to quit school and yes, even go back to the Dursleys. It was probably exactly what Dumbledore wanted. His jaw clenched, and he answered quietly, "haven't you noticed? Members of the Order, they don't just die of old age."

Harry questioning Dumbledore. man, it's about time. That line of his, "members of the Order, they don't just die of old age", I don't think is as clear as it could have been. It was supposed to point out that they need new members for the Order constantly, and so Remus teaching them how to be good members was just because Dumbledore knew that there'd be casualties already. I still really like the line, though, even if what it was supposed to hint at ended up being totally obscure.

Also, who are the poster children for this sentiment? Harry's parents.

~

Lunch was a lightning affair for their entire class, sandwiches taken in a quick break, and then Remus had them pair up to duel, every so often stopping the lesson to point out something or other to the class. By the end of the hour, everyone was confident enough; no one got hurt, and people were cheery.

Remus smiled benignly. "Now comes the twist. As Professor Flitwick had to attend to his other classes, I have asked Harry to assist me in this part of today's lesson. A volunteer pair, please?"

Of course, Hermione put her hand up; her partner looked wary. Remus started the exercise over again, and then wandered over to Harry. He said quietly, "look for an opening, and hex one of them."

Harry blinked.

The class was cheering, seeing the two of them duel. Remus gestured. "Go on."

Harry swallowed, feeling a little nervous. It felt, wrong, to take advantage, and he didn't want to - even if it was obvious why this sort of lesson was important, even more important than the duelling itself. He pulled his wand out, and sent a mild jinx at Hermione. She toppled over, legs stuck. Her partner paused, wand upraised, and looked at Remus. "Professor Lupin?"

And here's not only Hermione learning how to duck things that aren't right in front of her - but it's also Harry learning to take every opportunity, whether it's honorable or not. It's a practical duelling style, and it goes back to me really really wanting to see the kids learn some common fucking sense before they graduate.

Remus unstuck Hermione's legs, who was bright red and slunk back to the crowd. "Did you all see what happened there?" He spun around slowly. "Did any of you catch Harry's jinx?"

Silence met his words.

Remus said, "being able to duel is useless if you're unable to observe what is happening outside of the duelling circle. In the real world, people don't step aside to allow you a clear shot. If Voldemort intends to kill you," he said clearly - people shrank back - "anyone and everyone he can employ will gang up on you.

"I've faced down Voldemort myself," Remus said quietly. "It's not the magic you know that will save you, as I hope I've already impressed upon everyone." He looked at Harry. "It's what else you know."

Tentatively, Lavender raised her hand. "Are we going to have to do this?"

Remus tilted his head, and looked at her kindly. "We're going to go through this exercise until you all are able to recognise the threats coming at you - from your opponent as well as the rest of the class. We'll be using the Jelly Legs curse until you all feel more comfortable. Any volunteers?"

After a moment, Ron stepped forward, pale. "I'll, I'll go."

Remus looked pleased. "Good."

It wasn't quite as bad as Hermione; Ron dodged the spells thrown at him by his partner as well as two shots Harry got off, before he fell over. His partner went to unlock his legs. Ron stayed on his back, saying clearly, "Perhaps it's just safer on the floor."

The whole class laughed, but Remus nodded. "It quite possibly is. Tell me, Ron, can you duel properly from where you are?"

And again - I really wanted Remus to take every opportunity to drill a little more survival into them. So even throwaway comments could yield another thing he could teach them. Every second that Remus is around, the kids should be *learning*. At least, that was my intention.

Harry was probably the only one who saw Ron's little grin. He whipped his wand around, and sent a jinx at Remus himself. Remus's arm was up, muttering a counter curse, before anyone even blinked. "Wow!" Seamus called out. "How'd you do that?"

and I really wanted to show that Remus was more than capable, to show a little bit of the person he had to be in order to live through Voldemort the first time. He had to have the skillz, since he *did* survive. it comes out a lot more easily in the curse-tag scene with Snape later on, though.

"Very simply, Seamus." Remus eyed Ron, with a slight grin. "Practise. Would you like to go next?"

~

When it was time for dinner, the entire class was exhausted, bruised, but in great spirits. Everyone had a story to tell about how they managed to avoid a careful jinx, or a great counter curse they pulled out. "A moment, Harry," Remus called out, as everyone filed out of the Great Hall.

"Sir?"

Dumbledore was just coming into the room, to put the hall back to rights before the rest of the school came in to eat. Remus glanced around, and then leaned over. "How are you, Harry?"

Confused, Harry replied, "all right."

"Good, good." Remus glanced at his watch; "I only have a few minutes but I wanted to see how you were. How are your lessons going?"

Harry wasn't entirely sure what Remus wanted him to say. He definitely wasn't asking as a teacher. "All right."

I just said in the previous scene, that every single time Remus is around, he's teaching something. The few exceptions are when he's talking to Harry. Once and a while, he ends up just being Remus.

"And," Remus lowered his voice, "Occlumency?"

"All right," Harry repeated dully. Truth be told, he didn't know how those lessons were going; he wasn't sure if he could block out Dumbledore's mind any more successfully than he could Snape's last year. But it was important to keep trying, despite the nearly constant headaches in the evenings.

"Quidditch?" Harry shrugged, and Remus patted him on the shoulder. "Maybe we can talk more next Hogsmeade weekend."

Harry nodded, but he didn't know what to say. That was probably the main problem with Occlumency; he didn't know what to say to Dumbledore, even if he thought Dumbledore would answer him. Other than the class itself, the magic, they had been very distant. At least Harry knew the reason now, but it still made him burn with anger.

Dumbledore was approaching them. Remus looked at his watch once more, smiled at Harry - a little tighter than before - and said, "I'd best be off. Perhaps we can talk more on Saturday." He left just as Dumbledore came up. Harry got the feeling Remus didn't know what to say to Dumbledore any more than he did.

a little bit of the resentment that Remus felt towards Dumbledore in "no one ever said it would be this hard" comes out, here. like I said - always thought of it as a sequel.

I'm trying to write this story right now, Lise knows about it, the easiest way to explain it to say is that you could call it "Remus Lupin and the Prisoner of Azkaban." I'm not there yet, but I can see Remus at the end of the third book, giving Dumbledore his resignation and learning the Sirius has already left the castle and just being so angry that he didn't get to see him or speak to him and now he's going to be on the run and probably totally unreachable. I'm not sure how it's quite going to go, but the idea of Remus saying something like, "All these years and you just plugged him right back in, didn't you?" like, Dumbledore spent twelve years thinking that Sirius was a traitor and probably wrote him off entirely but as soon as he knows the truth, Sirius is back to being another piece on Dumbledore's chessboard. I can also see Remus being angry that Dumbledore didn't use more of his weight to try and get Sirius' name cleared. But this is quickly veering toward not really being about what Lise was talking about at all, so.

~

The next evening, when he was trying desperately to keep his mind together and safe from incursions, Harry finally asked Dumbledore, "Professor, did you ask for Professor Lupin to come and teach here in particular?"

"Yes, I did, Harry."

Harry nodded faintly, and rubbed the scar on his forehead. "Oh."

Kind of long story: part of my problem with OotP is the incredible stupidity and lack of practicality - on Dumbledore's part, especially. A - there's no way that Harry and Snape could have stood each other for that long to learn Occlumency. B - if he didn't want to see Harry because he was trying to avoid Voldemort entering his own mind, he could have SAID something about it. "hey, Harry. the reason we've been keeping you out of the loop is because we think the Dark Lord has a way to get into your head. we're real sorry about that. so if we do something that's maybe inexplicable, please follow instructions? like, if you get dreams that your godfather's being tortured, don't go to the Ministry. it's a trick. thanks." Harry would have been just as mad, but I think that if he'd got a tactical reason for Dumbledore ignoring him - whether it was the whole truth or not - at least he would have LISTENED. plot points that hinge on characters withholding vital information from each other drive me insane. it's stupid and just bad plotting, in my mind.

anyway. This scene came directly from the fact that I hated that plot point in OotP, and I wanted to rectify what I saw as a really big mistake that Dumbledore made. so here, when he talks about underestimating Harry, um, yeah. it's totally maybe my wish fulfillment. will JKR plot like this? I doubt it. but we can hope.

Not that I'd dream of trying to talk Lise out of this, (she just knows she can't) but I think there's a difference between the way, say, someone heavily involved in the fandom might perceive the characters and the way the general reading audience perceives them. Lise has always had a pretty critical eye on Dumbledore, so the idea that Dumbledore would refuse to delegate anything and cause a huge fuck-up and get Sirius killed probably didn't come as a huge shock to her. But I can really see JKR thinking that most of her reading audience thought that Dumbledore was pretty infaliable and needing to do something major to drive home that he's not.

After a moment, Dumbledore dropped his wand. "We will take a short break. Would you like a Chocolate Frog?" They opened the candy - Harry wasn't sure quite what was going on - and then Dumbledore took his glasses off to wipe them on the sleeve of his robe. "I asked Remus Lupin to teach here again for many different reasons, Harry. One of them is that, in the past, I underestimated you." He paused. "I underestimated your determination, your resourcefulness - wishing to protect you meant that, most importantly, I underestimated how much you and your comrades were ready for the battle ahead. You had progressed more than I knew," and Dumbledore sighed, "which meant I underestimated what had to be done to prepare you all further."

He solemnly handed Harry the Chocolate Frog card, and added, "I do not intend to do so again."

Harry digested this while he stared at the card he'd been handed. Ron didn't have this one; he pocketed it for later. "Oh," he said again. He swallowed.

It wasn't fair, that he had to be prepared. He thought about the way Dumbledore said 'comrade', and fleetingly wondered if Dumbledore had ever seen a time in his life where he wasn't at war. Harry gripped his wand - would he ever see a time in his life where he wasn't at war? It wasn't fair, that he might see the death of all his friends just like Remus had. But what else could he do? Harry took a breath. What else could they do.

Harry nodded, finally. "Okay. That. That makes sense."

and of course it's wish fulfillment that Harry would be adult about hearing that answer. but we can hope! maybe the next plot won't suck.

Dumbledore smiled, and picked his wand up. "Now, let us go again."

~

Sure enough, next Saturday when Ron and Hermione and Harry went into the Three Broomsticks, they found Remus sitting at a back table by himself, nursing a dark green liquid that reminded Harry of childhood descriptions of absinthe. It wasn't butterbeer - Ron ordered them three, and when Remus waved, he uncertainly carried them over to his table.

"Hello, you three," and Remus smiled crookedly. "As Hagrid would say."

Ron slid into the booth, Harry joined him, while Hermione drew up a chair. "Where is Hagrid?"

"He'll be along." Remus swished his goblet around, and the liquid went from green to orange. "He had some things to do at the school."

Harry glanced around. "Order things?"

"Something about the school pumpkins," Remus answered. His orange drink was beginning to climb out of his glass; he sipped it, and it subsided. "Actually. All quiet on the British front."

If anyone's not read the book "All Quiet on the Western Front". er, yeah. it's about WWI.

"Front?" Ron asked, expression blank.

Hermione kicked him under the table; he rubbed his shin with a grumbled 'ouch', and gave himself into his beer. Harry stopped himself from sighing. He was so certain that Hermione and Ron would have stopped arguing and got to the point this summer, but, apparently not, and their bickering had got to new heights and taken on new dimensions. It was quite tiring to Harry, who personally didn't really understand the fuss.

am I a [notso] secret Ron/Hermione fan? it's so true.

Remus had an oddly soft look on his face. "That's exactly how Lily used to deal with James," he said.

While Hermione and Ron both blushed dark red, Harry leaned forward, eager. "He did?"

Remus nodded. "In fact," he continued - his now purple drink tried to escape the glass again; he swallowed a long gulp - "the two of them used to sit at this very table." His glass did a little hop, and he planted a hand around the stem firmly. "James brought her a bouquet of roses, their seventh year, and dumped them on the table so he could go back to trying to throw Peter," and he paused, frowning.

That's such classic James. Lise probably has the most true and full and, just, true conception of James of anyone.

Remus talking about James and Lily also breaks my heart in some ways, but then there's--

Ron and Hermione were looking at the table, anywhere but at the Professor. After a moment, Remus's face cleared, however, and he smiled again. "That's right! They were trying to get Peter stuck up a tree."

After a moment and when it seemed that Remus wasn't going to elaborate - he looked happy enough, however - Hermione asked, "why?"

"Goodness knows," Remus said promptly. "Who knew why they did half the things they did?" He chuckled, and then drained his glass. "Peter probably deserved it."

It wasn't said with any resentment or rancour; simply stated as a slightly nostalgic fact. Harry had no idea how Remus could even say Peter's name without burning up inside, but instead of even looking angry, Remus was smiling. Abruptly, Harry pushed his beer away. "How can you," he started. "I mean."

--this line, which makes me inclined towards happy. his memories, even despite all that's happened, still bring him happiness. And he doesn't hate Peter's memory, because Peter *was* a friend. and trying to impart this to Harry, who's still burning with so much anger inside him. It's just, it's very. It doesn't read as sad to me - it reads as Remus, living still. which is the whole point of the end. but I'm getting ahead of myself.

"If I hated everyone and their memories that were responsible for everything bad that had happened to me," Remus said to the three of them, "I would have wilted before I reached your age." He dug in his pockets for a Sickle, and finally pulled five knuts out of a very Muggle looking wallet. "You'd do best to keep that in mind. Peter and I were very good friends at school."

Not to mention, hating all his memories of Peter would mean hating most of his memories of James and Sirius.

Harry said, "I'll get it," and put a Sickle on the table.

Remus stood. "I've got to go; things to do before the Feast tonight." He leaned forward, suddenly. "I shouldn't do this, but - if you'd like to know some of what's going on, make sure you're back in the pub by four. There's a meeting."

As he strode away, Ron looked astonished. "He's changed into a completely different person."

This also comes directly from "no one ever said it would be this hard", where Remus is talking to Sirius about trying to become a parental figure for Harry, and how Remus doesn't really think it's right. But with Sirius gone - Remus might not want to be that parental figure, but when all's said and done, he's the only one left that can give Harry something of who his parents really *were*. Other people knew them, but he's the only one left - because Peter has warped into someone new - that was their *friend*. it comes up again later, with the fireplace scene, and him telling Harry stories of James, and I'll probably repeat myself then. But anyway, him telling them about the meeting, which he wouldn't have before - just a little bit of that.

I agree. I think I've said bits and pieces of this already, but I think that Remus' emotional control is still there, but there's that press, that belief that if he doesn't pass these things on, no one else will, and that gets him talking in ways he might have relied on Sirius to do before.

Hermione, however, had a different opinion. "I think he's just being who he was, before."

Harry wasn't sure who he agreed with. Remus was acting the same, a little less like a teacher, but his behavior patterns hadn't varied really at all. It was, perhaps, simply their perspective of him that had changed drastically - whereas before, he was just a teacher, just a professor, and one of Harry's father's friends, now he was someone that had gone through the same metaphorical storm they had.

Rereading that, I wish I'd made the end "the same metaphorical storm". ah well. Also, this was, I think, me directly countering potential claims that I wasn't writing Remus in character. I didn't really realize it until I read it just now, too. I guess, I was very defensive about this story - I wanted people to agree with it, with the way both Remus and Harry were acting, very much. so.

~

It was easy to see the members of the Order - Hagrid sitting a head taller than everyone else - taking up two tables near the back of the pub. It was chilly outside, so many students were crammed into the pub, all laughing and joking. Two Hufflepuffs were sitting at the counter juggling something that looked suspiciously like live baby geese. Harry gave them a wide berth. Usually it would have intrigued him; now he just wanted to grab that corner booth close enough to McGonagall that they could hear.

Here's where I really desperately missed Fred and George - it was originally them juggling baby geese. Which is a shout-out to the Firefly episode "Our Mrs. Reynolds", where Wash talks about being on a moon where people juggled baby goslings. whoo, Firefly!!

You know, they could have sent Ron packages and shit. I'm surprised you didn't do that.

I should have.

"--growin' just fine now," Hagrid was just saying. Hermione ducked behind a tall witch, and raced to the booth, back to Hagrid as she slid into it. Ron stood at the bar casually, chatting to Ernie. Harry used the distraction of Rosemerta appearing at the teachers' table to sit beside Hermione.

also, okay: would the teachers really not have seen them? Um. It happened before [in PoA, yes?], so. it's kind of flimsy, sure, but.

"Did they see me, do you think?" he asked Hermione quietly. She shook her head. They leaned against the booth, desperately trying to hear something other than the uproar of laughter as one of the geese flapped up to the ceiling, squawking. "How are we going to hear anything?"

Ron carried the tray, face hidden behind the bottles. "Have no fear," and he pulled out three of the Extendable Ears of Fred and George's. "They sent them to me last month, said I might get use out of them, being in the hot bed of news." He passed them round. "Made me promise to share what we found out."

Harry carefully listened in to Hagrid's tale about trying to feed the Thestrals in the Forest without coming afoul of the Centaurs; he rolled his eyes when Hagrid started in on the pumpkins.

"And what about Frank and Alice?" Harry and Ron stared at each other - the only Frank and Alice they knew were Neville's parents, in permanent care at St. Mungo's hospital.

Harry wished he could see McGonagall's face when she answered low, "the same as always, Hagrid. The hospital turned away two visitors just last week."

"Ruddy lot of'em, just trying to get a peep at--"

Ron - the only one of them facing their table - shrank down as McGonagall's eyes darted around, looking at the neighbouring patrons. Thankfully, the goblins at the next table were chattering loudly and waving a scarf around, so she missed them, huddled down behind the booth. "Keep your voice down, Hagrid," she murmured. Harry thanked Fred and George for the Ears; no way anyone could hear the murmured conversation over the loud clink of glasses and voices of happy students, none of which had any idea that their teachers were discussing anything other than midterms. Draco Malfoy would probably have killed to sit in on this one.

I think the scarf bit came from an lj post of semielliptical's about her scarf knitting. somehow.

"I followed'em what dropped the parcel off," a witch in a pink lacy veil muttered suddenly. Harry had ignored her completely; the witch was sitting with her back to the teachers and drinking from what looked like a Muggle whiskey bottle steadily.

McGonagall gave no notice to the witch, but turned to Remus. "You said it had poison on the outside?"

"Severus tested it," Remus's voice answered. "Dung here managed to snag it before the Healers touched it; he had his lace gloves on or it's likely he wouldn't have made it out of the ward."

"Nearly burned straight through'em, too," the witch said, and poured more whiskey into her glass.

Ron's mouth opened, and he craned his neck around; Hermione kicked him. Ron mouthed, 'is that Mundungus?' Harry shrugged, but it had to be. His voice was creaky, wheezy, as if his throat had seen too much pipe tobacco - but high pitched nonetheless. It could have been a spell, changing it, or maybe he was just good at impressions. Harry knew that Dung wasn't allowed in the Hog's Head; it appeared he wasn't allowed in the Three Broomsticks, either, or else he didn't want to be recognised. No true way to tell which was the case.

"But they're aw' right," Hagrid whispered.

"I was over there just yesterday," Remus said quietly. "Brought them some new flowers, checked on the ward. Same patients as always, nothing suspicious. Same healers, too."

Someone sniffed. "To think that Frank and Alice are still at risk," McGonagall said. "It's criminal."

The idea that Voldemort would still be after Frank and Alice Longbottom. It's just a little taste of the outside world, and how things are changing so rapidly. even St. Mungo's isn't safe - we saw that in OotP, with that plant. also, cutting off the rest of this conversation - so a cop-out. but coming up with politics for the wizarding world is absolute hell.

The talk drifted to other matters; Harry tried to follow it, but they were discussing Ministry wizards that he'd never met and names he didn't recognise. Harry vowed to read the Prophet the next day to see if he could spy the stories they were referring to. Ron scowled several times; obviously he followed more than Harry had. The one thing that Harry got irrevocably from the conversation was bad news.

~

"We have a few guests today," Remus said, coming in out of breath. All the students were still carrying their books and quills to class, though it had been over a month now and still hadn't opened their bags. Harry didn't really think Remus had any intention of ever making them take notes; it was one of the major factors that made his classes easily the most popular.

"We've been concentrating on some more advanced curses and counters in the last week, and I'm very pleased with everyone's progress." Remus looked around, and Harry understood the pride in his voice; the entire class had got round all of the spells he'd focused on, as well as several other counters that Remus had introduced.

"For the moment, however, we're going to leave counter curses behind." Remus nodded to himself, putting his suitcase down on the bare desk. Over a month and still there was nothing in the classroom at all, aside from the dusty and untouched chalkboard, a skeleton in the corner, and a lot of cobwebs. "Our guests are only available for a short time, so we're lucky to avail ourselves of their knowledge. They are going to show you some of the more impressive things that can be done to disguise yourselves, as well as demonstrate some of the nastier things you'll want to avoid."

Rereading this, I've just been struck by something - basically, Remus is taking the class through Auror training 101, isn't he? I didn't really realize it.

Because, really, he's probably guessing that there isn't going to be time. The war isn't going to wait for them to finish school and get three years of further training (or however many years of training it takes to be an Auror, I can't remember).

The door opened, and Hermione let out a soft 'oh!' as Mad Eye Moody and Mundungus Fletcher snuck into the classroom. They both surveyed the room, eyes darting around, before coming in all the way. Moody kept his back against the chalkboard, and Dung grinned toothily at Ron, clamping a hand over his pocket when it started to wiggle.

"I believe you've met, however briefly, Alastor Moody," and Remus gestured. "And this, is Mundungus Fletcher."

confession: I've been intrigued by Mundungus ever since the end of GoF. him in OotP didn't disappoint. and my adoration for Moody started in GoF and crystalized when he pulled out that picture of the old Order for Harry in OotP. so I just adore Dung and Moody to bits. even if writing their dialogue is painful.

Lavender stared at the two men - Mundungus was puffing on a cigar, Moody was gazing around the classroom, weight heavy on his wooden leg. Remus disappeared into the office with his little suitcase. "I don't know what," she whispered to Parvati, wrinkling her nose, "two grubby old men could teach us."

Hermione leaned over her desk, and rolled her eyes. "Lavender," she whispered, "the fact that they're dirty is part of the disguise."

Parvati tilted her head; the two adults left at the front of the classroom were apparently paying no attention to the whispers, though Moody was staring at everyone, big blue eye piercing. "But, they're. They're so."

Hermione clicked her teeth together. "I for one find the thought that they've lived a long time comforting. Don't you want to live that long too?"

Lavender considered for a minute. "Only if I keep washing my hair."

"All right," Remus said, emerging again. "That's that. We may begin."

"You still trying to teach these kids how to make it?" Moody asked, blue eye whirling every which way so fast it was making Harry dizzy. "How are they faring?"

"Quite well, Alastor." Remus looked more cheerful than he had last week; he smiled as he shook their hands. "I appreciate the two of you coming in."

"Eh, weren't nothing," Dung said. His pocket wiggled more insistently, and Harry and Ron exchanged a glance, Ron leaning a little farther away from the two men. Whatever it was inside Dung's pocket, there was a good chance it wasn't at all legal, and potentially dangerous. Interesting, undoubtedly, but nothing they wanted to get too close to.

It's weird. This scene, at least this part of it and the previous line in particular, has a very different narrative style than the rest of the story, I think. it's more like the other Marauders' fic I wrote, rather than this one. huh.

"All right, class. The seventh years had an extra study hall this morning, so they won't be joining us until this afternoon." Remus pulled his wand out. "Questions?"

Terry Boot was the first person to put his hand up, though several other people were quick to follow. The more Professor Lupin encouraged questions of his methods and his classes, the more people were willing to ask what was going on. Harry could see, even if he resisted, the manipulation Remus was pulling on them all, urging them to teach themselves. He knew that Remus Lupin had been the best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher they'd had; one of the most empathetic teachers ever, willing to listen and encouraging kindly. He just hadn't appreciated how complex his methods were before.

"--don't you take this lesson yourself?" Terry was saying. Harry forced himself to listen.

"That's a very good question." Remus pulls what looks like a little bowling ball out of his suitcase next, handing it to Moody to hold. Moody squinted at it, ignoring the kids. "I'm afraid it doesn't have a very interesting answer. Alastor and Mundungus have always been more talented at, blending in, than I have."

"What about when you taught before?" Terry asked.

"This is not, precisely, N.E.W.T. standard magic we're going to be showing you today. However Dumbledore thought it prudent, which is why I decided to invite Alastor and Mundungus here today. You are well ahead of where most students would be in their studies of Defensive magic, so don't worry - we aren't neglecting one topic to cover another.

"Now, if you would, close your eyes." Harry stared at him, while beside him, Ron tried very hard not to laugh. Remus went to close the door, and then raised an eyebrow when none of the class had complied. "Now, please."

Obediently, Harry closed his eyes, and counted off the seconds. In four seconds, Remus said, "now open them."

Moody was gone.

Coming up with this gimmick was really difficult. Like, really a lot. Eventually I gave up and made the trick secondary to the class and dialogue.

Remember when you were posting snippets of this in your journal and you ended with this and someone replied and said something like, "But, I want more! Where did he go?" and you had to reply and be like, "I had to end it there because I don't know." That was hilarious.

Harry rubbed his eyes - no, it wasn't just a trick of the light. Remus nodded to Dung, nodded to the class, and said, "I'm going to leave the classroom now - I have several owls I have to send that are rather urgent - and the only piece of information I'll give you is that Alastor won't exit the classroom when I leave. I'm going to lock the door, and come back in fifteen minutes. Do find him before then." With that, he exited, leaving a very confused class behind him.

Harry glanced around, at Dung, and then at Ron and Hermione. "Find him?" Harry asked, blankly.

Ron looked as puzzled as Harry felt. "Find him how?" Hermione was already opening her textbook. "Now what are you doing?"

"Isn't it obvious?" she said, rifling through the pages. "No, no-- hmm! I don't know." She sighed. "It's a test. We're going to have to figure out how Moody disappeared before Professor Lupin comes back."

Dean shared a look with Harry. "All right," he asked. "How do we do that?"

She stood up, hands on her hips. "I don't know!" After a minute, she nodded to herself, pleased. "Okay. We all have to do this together, so we might as well start. All right?" There were various nods and murmurs of agreement. Hermione turned to Mundungus. "Are you allowed to help us?"

He stopped rifling through his coat, and pulled out a pipe. "Damned if I know. Can't tell you the answer, 'e'd have my 'ead."

"Hermione," Hannah started. "How can we possibly do this?"

Hermione turned around again, and Harry tried not to wince. He recognised that look in her eyes. "If we can survive a Potions O.W.L., we can do this."

Thoroughly heartened, Hannah stood up too. "All right!" She looked around, and sank down again. "But, oh. Where could he have gone?"

"Well."

Mundungus leaned forward, to shield his pipe, and lit it with his wand. After a big puff, he offered up helpfully, " 'e's still in the classroom."

"Well, that narrows it down."

Harry put his chin in one hand. Ron frowned, in concentration. "Could he just be under an invisibility cloak?"

"Nope," Mundungus said cheerfully. "But a good guess." Ron looked around, craning his neck; Hermione started muttering under her breath; the class looked bewildered, whilst shuffling their papers. Harry sighed.

"All right," Hermione said doubtfully. "We'd best start looking."

Justin had stood up and was examining the door carefully. He shrugged. "Nothing, but, just in case."

Trying to use the whole class in this scene - and a few other scenes, too - was just murder. I hate trying to write 'crowd scenes'. I still think that some of this dialogue and characterization come out totally flat.

Harry kind of sat there while various students got up and looked around; when Seamus finally lifted up a stack of clear vials, Ron rolled his eyes. "Are you ready to concede defeat yet?" he asked Seamus, who flushed scarlet and put the vials down.

"I knew a bloke once," Dung started, poking his pipe with a yellow finger, "who used to keep a ghoul inside a whiskey bottle. Clear as day. 'e used it each 'alloween to scare the kids."

"but--" Hermione started. "Mr- Prof- Alastor Moody," she settled on, "wouldn't fit in a whiskey bottle, would he?"

Padma looked thoughtful. "If he was smaller, he would."

"Mundungus," Hermione whipped around, excited. "Has he changed his size?"

His mouth around the end of his pipe, chewing the end, Dung smiled.

"Of course!" A moment, and then Hermione's face fell. "Oh. That means he could be anywhere."

Seamus muttered, "like under vials," and eyed Ron, who snickered.

Harry finally stood up, and everyone turned around to listen. Hannah and Susan had their textbooks open; Ernie was poking all the cracks in the floor with his wand. "Listen," he started. "Professor Lupin wouldn't have given us this test if we couldn't do it." He glanced at Ernie. "And we can't guess; we'll be here all day."

Having Harry figure out any part of the answer was a bit corny, maybe. I admit it. But in the books, he's usually the one that comes up with *something*. I made up for it a little bit in the scavenger hunt scene, where Harry really doesn't have a clue what to do.

"So what do - oh!" Hermione looked annoyed. "Of course. Did Professor Lupin bring anything in with him? Does anyone remember?"

Lavender exclaimed, "That little crystal ball! It was ever so pretty. He took it out of his briefcase, and then," she frowned. "I don't remember what he did with it."

Moving towards the desk, Harry smiled. There, behind a discarded set of scales, was the little glass bowling ball he'd seen Remus hand Moody. He looked at it, and scratched his head; behind him, the whole class was craning to see. Harry was about to pick it up, but then - "You know," he said thoughtfully, "I don't really want to touch this if we don't know what it does."

At least he's learning something. good sentiment, that.

Dung tapped his pipe against a spare desk, looking pleased.

"But how can we figure out what it does if we can't touch it?"

Luna tilted his head this way and that, and pulled her wand out from behind her ear. Harry had a feeling - she touched the end of it to the little bowling ball, and a faint glow came off the ball.

"That was stup--" Ron started, and then amended, "maybe dangerous."

Randomly: I really liked Luna, too. She was funny. And the idea that her and Ron might hook up is equally funny. I liked their little bit of interaction in the book.

Luna put her wand back complacently. "The Professor wouldn't let us touch something that was really dangerous."

"So we know that whatever Moody did, this ball did it." Hermione sighed. "Well, unless someone knows what this thing is, I don't know what else we can do."

Dung, still smoking - the air in their classroom was starting to take on a slightly purple tinge; it didn't smell unpleasant, but a little odd - spoke up. "Time's almost up."

"Come on!" Hermione scrunched her face up. "Think! We can do this!"

"Mad-Eye, 'e's gonna be right ticked when 'e gets outta there," Dung commented. Lavender held her nose, shuffling away from the smoke, but then Ron's eyes widened. He gaped a few times, spinning slowly on his axis, then grabbed the ball--

"Ron, stop! You don't know the first thing about that thing--"

and smashed it against the side of the desk.

Alastor Moody popped up in front of them, shaking himself out. "Took you long enough," he growled. "My leg was cramped."

Dung pulled a flask from his inside pocket, and said "They wasn't doing 'alf bad. Poking cracks in the floor, but."

Moody swivelled around, eyeing each of them in turn. "Is that so." He stared at all of them, then said gruffly, "back to your seats then."

A few people drifted away, but most were examining the ground where Moody stood. "The glass is gone," Susan said. "How did it do that? Apparate?"

"You can't Apparate in the school, hasn't anyone read Hogwarts, A--"

While I was doing this commentary, kel was talking about her commentary for "no one ever said it would be this hard". And she mentioned a part that she'd written in it about "I don't know if you've read Hogwarts, a History, but I've heard that you can't apparate on or off school grounds..." And I mean, come on. How can you avoid making at least one joke about it?

It's actually a law, I think. If, after all that, someone doesn't manage to somehow Apparate on or off the school grounds at some point during the next two books, just to prove Hermione wrong, I'm going to ask for my money back.

"Go on then." Moody stared at them fiercely. More people went and sat down, and finally Harry took his seat too. There was something funny going on. That seemed simple, almost. The answer was presented to them almost readily; and they still had a few minutes left before Remus was planning to return. Harry scratched his forehead absently. Something wasn't--

Harry finally looked Moody full in the face, and realized. He raised his hand, gulping. He remembered someone telling him once: sometimes, the tricks that are used keep being used because they work. He swivelled around to face Dung, who'd put the pipe down and was drinking from a hip flask, then he looked at Moody, who was favouring his good leg, nose not quite broken enough. Not quite broken enough.

"Yeah?" Moody asked gruffly.

Harry hesitated; what could he ask? Beside him, Hermione exclaimed 'oh!' faintly, and Ron muttered something under his breath. That sealed it. He said, "you switched identities, didn't you?"

Dung put the flask back in his pocket, and turned around, looking at his watch. His face was already beginning to ripple, contort, and Harry saw the familiar effects of Polyjuice Potion. "Took you long enough." But when Remus came back into the classroom, Moody said, "they didn't do half bad." He was actually smiling.

This was actually originally Harry realizing that the magic eye was on the wrong side of Moody's face. and then I thought, wait. no. that's the dumbest thing imaginable. So it became his nose. Polyjuice Potion, to go off on yet another tangent, has always fascinated me, too. I mean, here's this possibility to become a whole other person - all you need is some of their hair. It's quite a scary prospect, but really ever so useful.

~

Harry was practically hip deep in an essay about the kinds of magical plants one could use to counteract poisons - a slightly more useful lesson, his practical side accepted, than most of their Herbology classes, and definitely more engaging for Harry personally since there was a good chance someone might try to poison him at some point - when Ron flopped down beside him. "Why'd I let you talk me into advanced Potions?" he moaned, hands bright purple. "Why'd Snape let us into the class?" he added, "more to the point. Even if we're both crackers enough to sign up, he should have prevented the calamity that was me enrolling in another bloody Potions class."

I still really like the first line of this scene, about poisons and how Harry found it a little more useful than most classes. It kind of shows how, even if he doesn't want to, he's starting to look at his education as a way to learn how to stay alive.

As for Ron in Advanced Potions - they both want to be Aurors. And I think that they could both make it, especially if Ron works harder. So.

"Here," and Harry tossed him a half-completed essay, their homework this week. "Hermione's already checked it over."

Ron was already scribbling out garbled words for it. "Why. Why."

"Because potions is something an Auror has to take," Harry intoned, and stared at the book he'd been reading. Apparently there was a South American herb that would counteract a lot of the effects of the Belladonna plant, at least the Muggle poisons that came from it. Harry thrust the book aside. Nothing could counter the poison of some things named Bella.

"I could go to work just as easily without this class, couldn't I?" Ron asked, hopefully. He'd got six inches written in five minutes, mostly by rewriting what Harry had down. "I know that to be an Auror you have to be familiar with Dark Wizard's methods, but does that have to extend to sitting in class with them twice a week?"

"At least Hermione didn't drop it," Harry replied. Potions, strangely, no longer had the power to terrify him any more. The worst things that ever happened in class was the Slytherins - for the class was full of them - would ridicule him, and Snape would torment him. That didn't have as much sway over Harry as it used to. The worst torments Snape concocted just made him alternately tired, or angry. Harry'd already been sent out of class twice this term - he had to assume McGonagall had intervened on his behalf to keep him from being thrown out altogether.

Even though I haven't read the end of OotP since June [hadn't at the time of writing the commentary, that is], one of the best scenes in it is still Harry looking at Draco and saying, "oh, yes. after facing down Voldemort, *you're* going to scare me. Sod off." It's really a fabulous way to show how his priorities have shifted so completely. He no longer cares about the Slytherin taunts, or whatever, because he's got so much more going on.

The animosity between he and Snape only served to bring up painful reminders of other people. Harry couldn't help but stare at Snape's wrists, the strip of skin that was exposed at the cuff of his robes - and envision the mark on his forearm.

~

"Do you want to go to the library and start on that essay for McGonagall?" Ron asked he and Hermione. Breakfast was porridge, with lots of brown sugar. "I can't believe I'm offering to go to the library on a Saturday."

"You just want to put off your poisons homework," Hermione said tartly. "That's what you should really be looking up. Aren't you worried Professor Snape's going to try to poison you in class next week?"

To go along with their unit in Herbology, Professor Snape had announced, to many people's horrors and a few smirks, that they were to begin studying counter-poisons and remedies. The class was convinced, moreover, that some time this week as a test, he was planning on forcing them to drink something in class just to see if they'd been listening. While Harry appreciated the need to know how to brew potions for this sort of thing, he had a very nasty feeling that Snape was going to use him as a test subject.

"I know you won't let me drink anything I shouldn't," Ron said airily. "Fine then, feel like going for a walk on the grounds?"

I secretly also love Harry, Ron and Hermione interactions. Adore it completely. it was so hard to write it and feel like I was doing them justice, but there you go.

In truth, Harry had stopped caring if Snape tried to pull anything on him. Maybe he'd poison him - then Snape would have to pay the consequence. Harry let himself grin. That might be worth it.

"I'll help you study those antidotes," Hermione told Ron, "but you have to at least attempt to learn them."

Though they tried desperately, Ron and Harry found themselves on the receiving end of one of Hermione's more brutal tutorials. More than once Ron paused to mutter, "I hate Snape, I hate Snape," which was about the time Hermione brought a book she'd taken from the library, that showed some of the nastier results that had been recorded from the poisons Professor Snape inevitably knew how to concoct.

~

It was to their indescribable shock and dismay, then, to find Snape standing in their Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom on Monday.

Someone else that I cannot like, no matter how hard I try, is Snape. And not only that, but trying to write him is utterly impossible. So having to try and do him for a whole scene was just hell. I hope I didn't kill his characterization too badly, is all. You'll notice that he doesn't say much? that's the reason.

The notice had gone up Sunday night, and Harry had had to stay up until past midnight in order to finish the questions Remus wanted them to answer about the different kinds of ways you could disguise yourself. Since Harry had had personal experience with a Metamorphmagus, a cross-dressing member of the Order, the Disillusionment Charm, and Polyjuice potion, it wasn't too hard to do, just long. He ended up looking up several other methods, and mentioned - though not the circumstances - the usefulness of being an unregistered Animagus. It was the first time he'd ever felt really good about doing an essay.

"I hope," Snape said, arms folded, "you are all prepared for today's class."

Ron looked like he wanted to cry. Harry was angry. Not only did he have to put up with Snape staring at him, tormenting him, and possibly trying to kill him, in Potions - now he was going to ruin the one really good class Harry took. It wasn't fair. If only Fred and George had sent them some of their Skivving Snackboxes this term--

"Ah, good, you're here," and Remus strode into the room, briefcase in tow. "I apologize for being late, class, but if you'll just wait a moment I will be with you. Just have to deliver," and he went into the office, reappearing almost immediately with just his wand. "Now then." He rubbed a hand over his face. "Again, I apologize."

Everyone was still staring at Snape - Hermione put her hand up, tentatively. "Professor Lupin, what," and her eyes darted to Snape; she swallowed, "what are we doing today?"

I love how they're all trying to ignore the fact that Snape even exists, desperately hoping he's just going to go away. it's totally how I feel about snape.

"I'm glad you asked." Remus patted his pockets, glanced at his watch. "We are going to play a bit of a game, today."

Neville had shrunk back in his chair, but he too, put his hand up. "A game?"

"It is time," Remus said, "to put all those hours of practise to work! How do you feel like playing curse-tag?"

Harry hadn't taken his eyes off Snape. If he wasn't mistaken, he was smirking a little. Whatever about, it couldn't be good.

"In short, we are going to endeavour to jinx one another. This may sound a simple thing, but I've asked Hagrid to set aside some space for us, in order to make the game more interesting." He paused. "How many of you have been in the Forest in your time here?" The class gasped. When no one raised their hand, Remus surveyed them. "No one?" Harry, glancing at Ron and Hermione, put his hand up, and then they followed, as did Neville. Gradually, a few others did as well. "Those of you that have had some experience with the Forest know, then, that this game will be anything but easy."

"But," and Hannah's face was white, "we're not allowed in the Forest."

"True. However I've made sure to set aside an area near the border. And I must impress upon you all - please. Please. Do not stray beyond those boundaries," Remus said gravely. Snape, who still hadn't said a word, possibly looked disdainful. "While I have every confidence in your ability to protect yourself, perhaps it would be wise not to find out exactly what there is to protect yourself from. Yes?"

Harry was mulling everything over in his mind, while they walked down to Hagrid's house. This was dangerous, he knew; even without the centaurs being ready to deal with all humans that trespassed into their space, and without the possibility of running into a giant spider, there were plenty of other things living in the Forest that Harry would have been perfectly happy to never see again. But as long as they could stay clear of the centaurs, it shouldn't be a problem.

The bit with the Centaurs in OotP is obviously going to come back and bite them on the ass in the sixth book - I have no idea how, but it's obvious. but.

I figure, the centaurs know how it's all going to end, it's just that no one has asked them in quite the right way yet.

As they were nearing the hut, Harry caught up with Professor Lupin. "Sir, what about the centaurs?" he asked, very quietly.

"There are few people who know this Forest as well as I," Remus murmured, "and I've chosen a place as far away from them as I could. And Dumbledore is also observing."

"He is?"

Remus nodded, pitching his voice so none of the other students could hear him. "As well he can. He does, after all, have a useful little mischief making item, provided to him by Messrs Moony--" and he halted, nearly losing stride. "Anyway. He'll be able to keep track of where everyone is."

The Map. Gotta have as many references to the Map as possible, right?

You gotta actually write your story about the Map, or at least tell me what happens in it, because I'm going to write my Remus in the third book story and while I laugh in the face of jossing JKR, I don't want to joss you.

That's the funniest thing ever. But you're assuming I *know* what's going to happen. the only scenes I have so far are about wizarding fortune cookies, James craving chow mein, and Remus wanting lemon cakes.

After that, Remus didn't