“Life begins at 3 am.”
– Go tagline

“Don’t die on me! You’re my ride.”
– Marina

“Cami, I think I just fell in love with you.”
“Oh Violet, I’m not a lesbian. I played in the minors, but never went pro.”
- Violet and Cami, Coyote Ugly

“Remember, always be yourself. Unless you suck.”
– Joss Whedon

“You think we’re dancing?”
“That’s all we’ve ever done.”
- Buffy and Spike

“Damn. You know what I just realized?”
“The phrase ‘chicken fingers’ is misleading?”
- Tom and Daria

“I want a cheap way to get inside your head and not a cheap way to get inside your bed.”
– Nelly Furtado

I am a man, but I can change. If I have to. I guess.
- The Man’s Prayer, Red Green Show

"Hello, this is Harry Potter’s fridge. Harry’s answer-machine can’t come to the phone right now, but if you’d care to leave a message and a number where you can be contacted, I will gladly write it down and stick it to myself with a magnet."
- Harry’s answering machine message, Snitch!

“Inside every living thing there is a connection to the Powers That Be. Call it instinct, intuition. Deep down, we all know our purpose in this world.”
- Skip, “Birthday”

Angel wondered if she knew how to get a four-year-old vampire down from off the top of the refrigerator, while his equally four-year-old boyfriend was hanging on to your knee and yelling at you that you were ruining the Great Cookie Jar Robbery and you were a Big Mean Doofus With Perpendicular Hair. Angel did. It mostly involved waiting.
- Son of Small Fry, by James Walkswithwind

“I’m getting giddy again. Giddy with not-pleasure.”
- My mother

“You’re not the one but you’re the only one who can make me feel like this.”
- Foo Fighters

“What’s that? Oh, it’s an arm.”
- Susan, poking my arm

“Now that I’ve found someone I’m feeling more alone than I ever have before.”
- Ben Folds Five

"I love him. He's like that, and sometimes it shines through somehow. But I love him, whether or no."
- Sam Gamgee, "The Two Towers"

Sex isn’t the answer, sex is the question. “Yes!” is the answer.
- anonymous

“Are we showering?”
“Like, together?”
- Vigie addressing me, Sean, and Ravi, and my reply

“Get out of the door, jerk!”
- An overworked MTA employee who got tired of asking politely that everyone stand clear of the closing doors

“George Clooney is sex on toast.”
“Wouldn’t that be kind of scratchy?”
- Vigie and Sean

“There are parts of my body that I just don’t want crumbs on.”
- Sean, re: sex on toast

The Onion: What would you like to be doing just in general that you don't have time for?
Joss Whedon: Well, everything. The things that people do when they don't write. Playing games, sports maybe. Drinking and sex are things I've heard a lot about.

Hey, what’s up? I’m fucking depressed.
- The opening of an email I wrote to a friend

“You think you won, huh? I just don’t want to embarrass you with my wit.”
- Susan

“Yo no soy el comprendo, por favor.” (I don’t understand you, please.)
- Andrea

"I have never spanked my creations. And by never I mean seldom, and by seldom I mean porn."
- Joss Whedon

"If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work. 'Hello, can't work today. Still queer.'"

Jack - Oh, Kar. I know what you're going through. I was once with a man who encouraged me to cheat on him. Well, not encouraged so much as didn't know.
Grace - Well, maybe it's-- It's not called cheating if you have permission.
Jack - Yeah, maybe it's just called fantastic.

Jane - Where are you going?
Trent - Who are you? Mom?
Jane - No, Mom would never ask where you're going.
Trent - Exactly. (leaves)

Jane - Do you have any idea what time it is?
Daria - It's almost noon.
Jane - Mm. I guess righteous indignation isn't really appropriate, then.

Daria - You and Jane aren't really morning people, are you?
Trent - Hey, the night holds the key.
Daria - The key to what?
Trent - I don't know, Daria. It's early.

Helen (offscreen) - Meeting!
Jake (offscreen) - Golf!
Quinn (offscreen) - Date!
Daria - Sarcasm!

Clark plays off his inquisitiveness and admits it's none of his business. Well, damn, Clark, make it your business! Kiss him, you fool! Lex gets up (again) from picking up flowers and says he admires Clark's standards. If it's his standards he admires, why is he staring at Clark's ass?
- TWoP recap

Jane - Ta-da!
(Jane turns the easel around to reveal a self-portrait, only her hair has yellow stripes and she's standing in a jungle)
Daria - Um, very nice. Or is it a cry for help?
Tom - I'd have to go with... both.

Lex is sitting at his desk. Clark comes in. How does he manage to get past the gate, like he owns the place? Lex asks if he's ghost hunting. Nope. The only thing Clark wants to find in a set of white sheets is Lex.
- TWoP recap

Daria - Do you think I complain a lot?
Tom - What are you bitching about now?

Jake - Trent, your date is here!
Trent - Thanks. See you.
Helen - Trent, where are you going?
Trent - Out.
Helen - And when are you coming back?
Trent - Later.

Trent - Too bad you're not a few years older, huh? I could take you out. (chuckles, coughs) See you. (leaves)
(Daria's fantasy)
Trent - Daria, you're the best thing that ever happened to me.
(fantasy ends)
Daria - Damn.

Val - Are you getting this, Dar? Why don't you read me back your notes?
Daria - Okay. "What am I doing here? How am I going to get through this? Dear God, help me."

Helen - All right, Daria. I guess I can believe your story. Though it seems pretty farfetched to me that two teenagers with raging hormones...
Daria - My hormones don't rage. Oh, sure, they get mad sometimes, but then they just stop speaking to each other.

Tom - I'm worried. I don't think you can really do without me for a week.
Daria - No, you should worry that once I remember what it's like not to have you cramping my style, I'll want to make it permanent.
Tom - Romantic.

"Now, Pete, you know better than to win an argument with Clark by bringing babes into the equation. That's like trying to win an argument with a vegetarian by throwing beef jerky at him." - TWoP review

That scene with the door was so cool. Spike having chemistry with a door, is there anything he can't do?
- Kimberly, after watching Dead Things

BeautyBetrayedMe: hey mama..what's shakin'?
AddictedKitten: my ass, as usual

BeautyBetrayedMe: yeah, we're starting newswriting tomorrow, but since i was on the paper in high school, i can breeze right through this
AddictedKitten: cos you got the skills
AddictedKitten: excuse me. the skillz

Gary - Productivity. One of Manny's watchwords. "Levity is a time-thief that picks the pocket of the company."
Buffy - I prefer the one that goes "Manny's a humorless dolt that picks the pocket of he should bite me."

well, looks like it's time to saddle up old bessie and ride off into the sunset. The fact that the sun set six hours ago and bessie is a bag of flour that I named "bessie" should prove no hindrance whatsoever. G'night, and always remember: where you left the car keys. - Joss Whedon

Spike will have scars, all right. Sooner or later, everyone will have scars.
- Joss Whedon (does anyone else read this line and feel an immediate compulsion to go write fic?)

He can feel me, too. Freeze-frame. Ice-pick glare. Then: blink. Blink. What? Want some? Come get it.
- from Wax Jism’s Lick The Pavement

Lex turns around, smiling, of course. He says he wants to pitch in a computer lab to the school. He's standing next to the Wall of Weird. "They might even name a lunch special after you," Clark jokes. The question you have to ask yourself, Clark, is would you eat it?
- TWoP recap

I would like to comment on the people posting that they'd like "have my baby" or "be my sex slave". Let's be realistic here. That is SO COOL!
-Joss Whedon, post-Once More, With Feeling

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
-Matt Groening

Remember, always be yourself. Unless you suck.
-Joss Whedon

Gunn - That would also explain the precision, and the athleticism. I mean, some of those jumps...(off their looks) You know, I was cool before I met y'all.

Host - Go to sleep/ lullaby/ you've been fed and you're sleepy/ you'll be with/ Uncle Lorne/ who in no way resents not being asked to go to the ballet/ and is certainly/ not thinking/ of selling you to the first vampire cult that makes him a decent offer...

“Oh, I watch you there through the window and I stare cos you wear nothing and you wear it so well.”
- Dave Matthews Band

reginadigutter: boo.
AddictedKitten: aaah!

"To me there is nothing so admirable as a passionate love-bond between two human beings." Sean Astin on Frodo and Sam

"It is a deep relationship, and difficult to describe. In one way it is a master/servant relationship, because Sam comes from a different class and wants to serve Frodo and be there for him because he is very, very loyal. But more than anything, they are best friends. Despite all of the efforts of wizards and warriors, it is this one friendship that eventually enables Frodo to carry out his quest. Quite simply it is love. it is that unconditional love that says, regardless of what you do or where you go, I will always be there for you."
- Elijah Wood about Sam and Frodo

"...they don't need to talk about what they are to each other, they just *are.*" –Sean Astin on Sam and Frodo

"Geeks are generally the most interesting people."
- Elijah Wood

"I'm used to living on the edge," she answers. On the edge of what, Sesame Street? Kyle takes Chloe's hand. Green glow goodness. "You have feelings for Clark, don't you, Chloe?" he says. Clark raises his eyebrows comically. "You see him and you want him." Well, yeah. I mean, she's human, right?
TwoP on Hug

“Do not meddle in the affairs of slashers, for you are cute, and look good with other men."

November 1999 Queenstown's flooded, which means that the river scenes may never be shot. Viggo rang this morning and asked if I wanted to go fishing. I said "Why don't you just throw your rod out the window?" The water is about three feet high outside the reception area. Drove to Arrowtown with Orlando Bloom and Elijah Wood and played cops and robbers in the forest. Also, Billy Boyd and I went round to six vineyards in a day. Not a good idea.
~Dominic Monaghan from his diary, excerpt from Mademoiselle, October 2001 issue~

October 4, 2000 Hungover...very funny: at lunch we were all wearing black and sunglasses. Rang Mum and Liv when I got in. Viggo left a long message on my machine. He leaves these kind of stream-of-consciousness messages on your machine like "Yeah, this is Viggo, I'm eating chicken, I'm wearing blue trousers, the sun is shining..." I always save the messages.
~Dominic Monaghan from his diary, excerpt from Mademoiselle, October 2001 issue~

Dante: How did you get in here?
Jay: The metal thing... with the knob...
- Clerks, the cartoon

Principal Skinner: And now the award for Kids Who Obviously Got No Help from their Parents on this Project.
Ralph (with a sign that says "Idaho" on him): I'm Idaho!
Principal Skinner: Yes, yes, of course you are.

Peter: Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits! It says "Ooooo".
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.
- Family Guy

Randal: Do you think Phantom Menace is as good of a movie as Empire?
George Lucas: Well, certainly, I think it's the best movie I've made yet.
Randal: Permission to treat this witness as hostile. Mr. Lucas, how do you explain that in Star Wars Obi-Wan tells Luke when he met his father he was a great pilot, but in Menace he's just a little boy?
Lucas: Well, my kids thought...
Randal: And how come Obi-Wan tells Luke that Yoda is the Jedi that trains him, but in the movie Liam Neeson trains him?
Lucas: Um, well, the power of myth...
Randal: Isn't it true you knew this was a bad movie, that you wrote it over a weekend but told people you had it written for years?
Lawyer: Objection! The pod race was pretty cool.
- Clerks, the cartoon

I really wanna lick him.
Yeah, that wouldn’t be too bad.
- Me and Susan, about Orlando Bloom

"Sleeping with me was business? I'd hate to think what that makes you."
- Lex to Victoria

Comics are good! You like comics!
- Sign at Forbidden Planet, local comic shop

Kellia83: bub, i say you and i go guy-hopping and pick up some random asses
AddictedKitten: sounds like a plan
Kellia83: a'ight! ooo, i'm gonna get some ass!

Daria: I can't have this on my conscience.
Quinn: You don't have a conscience.
Daria: What I meant was: I don't feel like it.

Drue: Witter. I knew you couldn't resist a party. I see you brought the Grim Reaper.
Joey: We came for your immortal soul. That is, if you have one.

Buffy: What are you doing here? 5 words or less.
Spike: Out. For. A. Walk. (pause) Bitch.

"Am I gay? Am I straight? Then I realized: I'm just slutty. Where's my parade?"
- Margaret Cho

John Bender: What do you guys do in your club?
Brian Johnson: In physics we, uh, we talk about physics, uh, properties of physics.
John Bender: So it's sorta social, demented and sad, but social. Right?
- The Breakfast Club

"Well, you want to hear a long story about a shipload of rum, some cattle and a weeklong game of cutthroat poker?"
-Brisco County, Jr.

"UPN is on board for letting me do the show the way that works. I don't think anything will change. I mean, there'll be wrestling. But tasteful wrestling. Wrestling with a message behind it."
-Joss Whedon

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
-Douglas Adams

Holden: I'm just, ahh... just havin' a little girl trouble.
Jay: Bitch pressin' charges? I get that a lot.
-Chasing Amy

When you follow your bliss... doors will open where you would not have thought there would be doors; and where there wouldn't be a door for anyone else.
-Joseph Campbell

"I've no objection to homophobes, per se," said Draco. "I just wish they'd be homophobic behind closed doors, where I can't see them. Mind if I smoke?"
- "Snitch" by Al

We tend to scorn and laugh at those who write really awful fan fiction. But we can't murder them, and this is what annoys me.
-Deep Fanfic Thoughts, by Jack Handey

"It didn't matter in the end how old they had been, or that they were girls, but only that we had loved them, and that they hadn't heard us calling, still do not hear us, calling them out of those rooms where they went to be alone for all time, alone in suicide, which is deeper than death, and where we will never find the pieces to put them back together."
-The Virgin Suicides

It was early, and he was out of bed -- two of the most horrible conditions known to man.
- Wake Me Up For Second Breakfast, by James Walkswithwind

Vig used to call me 'Elf boy', and I'd call him 'filthy human'. As an Elf, I never got a scratch on me, never got dirty. And Vig would come out with blood and sweat all over him. And he'd say to me, 'Oh, go manicure your nails.'
- Orlando Bloom

It is late 1999 in Queenstown, New Zealand, two days after record rainfall caused the worst flooding in the history of the district. We have suffered some setbacks; the weather has stuffed the schedule. Two of the actors, Sean Bean and Orlando Bloom, have been caught between two landslides and are now trapped in a tiny town in the middle of the South Island. They have been taken in by a kindly woman who has offered them food and a bed. They were last reported to be cooking spaghetti and cracking into a bottle of red wine.

"It says nine in Elvish. But upside down, it seems to say Gucci."
- Ian McKellen

Tonight, when we were eating dinner, my girlfriend said something that really knocked me for a loop. She said, "I love that new Wesley/Gunn story." "Good," I said as I gritted my teeth really hard. "Then maybe you and that new Wesley/Gunn story would like to go into the bedroom and have sex!" They didn't, but maybe they will sometime, and I can watch.
- Deep Fanfic Thoughts

People think it's fun to write fanfic because you get all those readers. But they forget the negative side, which is the psychosis.
-Deep Fanfic Thoughts

If they had fanfic back in the Dark Ages, I bet the most common question readers would ask is, "Can't you put a catapult in this story?" No, I'm sorry. That would violate canon.
- Deep Fanfic Thoughts

Sometimes I think the world has gone completely mad. And then I think, "Aw, who cares?" And then I think, "Hey, what's for supper?"
- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey

Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, them I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back. Now who's asking the questions?
- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey

If you're robbing a bank, and your pants suddenly fall down, I think it's okay to laugh, and to let the hostages laugh too, because come on, life is funny.
- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey

Wound me, that I, through endless sleep,
May bear the scar of you. – Sara Teasdale

"Why haven't you ever noticed that 'laughter' is awesome? It's good for everything. It doesn't have bad side effects like drugs. But add an 's' and you have 'slaughter.' How sad."
-Valerio Valarde

“Do you want a bra? You could put a bra on your head.”

“It’s as easy as pie. I don’t know how easy pie is, though.”
“Well. As long as you have a fork…”
- Susan and I, getting all intellectual

"If the Pharaohs had had duct tape, the Sphinx would still have a nose."
- Miller Genuine Draft Commercial

"You see? It's like I've always said--you can get more with a kind word and a 2x4 more than you can with just a kind word."
Marcus Cole, Babylon5

"Come sit on my lap, kiddo." With juvenile trust, she obeyed. ["I...still don't know. I'm sorry." -- Wing Chun 2002]
- Bad Teen Novel

Guns aren't lawful; nooses give; gas smells awful. So you might as well live.
- Dorothy Parker

"Jennifer Garner, star of ABC's 'Alias,' said in an interview that she feels her character would win in a fight against Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dark Angel and Lara Croft. The real winner, of course: masturbating nerds." -- Saturday Night Live

Her whole being was surged [sic] with the desire to own it, to casually take it out of her closet in the morning and button it with her own slender fingers. ["IT'S A SHIRT." -- Wing Chun 2002]
- Bad Teen Novel

"Being immersed in such a stunning location, you couldn't not be swept away by the romance of it all. On our days off we would hang about on set and soak up the atmosphere. Nobody kept themselves to themselves."
- Dominic Monaghan

BabyKTrop: Another ew for the whole Behr and Fairchild thing
AddictedKitten: I really don't feel that ew covers it.
AddictedKitten: My eyesight may never recover.
BabyKTrop: Hey, I wanted to gouge out my balls with a dull spoon
AddictedKitten: Gouge out your whats?
AddictedKitten: ::amused smile::
BabyKTrop: omg
BabyKTrop: I erased the wrong thing
BabyKTrop: Um, disregard that statement. Erase it from your memory
AddictedKitten: That's impossible. I just repeated the exchange to my roommate.
BabyKTrop: I curse you to the deepest dregs of hell
BabyKTrop: Forever tormented by Riley theatrics and Angel's cooing.

“I’d wake up late, have a cup of coffee, smoke a cigarette,” he says, the latter being of the Indonesian clove variety, something he picked up from Josh Hartnett on the set of The Faculty. “I’m not really doing much these days. . . . Maybe I’d see a movie.”
– Elijah Wood (Josh, Elijah, and smoking. My god, the plot bunnies.)

She gets home to Willow and Dawn, both who have been home for hours, yet Buffy is still in charge of dinner? Jigga what?

Oh, and I find my man leaning over some hot chick on a precipice, my first words are not to her "What are you doing with my husband?" But to him, "Mothafuc... you better get yo skanky ass away from that ho before I push you over this @#%$ cliff, aight? Better recanize."
- Rachel

BabyKTrop: ?
AddictedKitten: !
BabyKTrop: "!"?
AddictedKitten: "!"!
BabyKTrop: ::scratches head:: you lost me

AddictedKitten: It seems you may have to work your will power then.
BabyKTrop: No! I am a product of the '90s. I demand instant gratification and no responsibility
AddictedKitten: That seems reasonable.

Chester: We kind of just like ninjas and dark tunnels and fire.
Mike: And guys with big hair that look like werewolves.
Chester: Grr! Arr!
- The boys of Linkin Park. Sigh. So cute.

Chester: And for some reason we like each other.
Mike: He likes me a lot, and I can’t stand him.
Chester: Oh. I guess not, then.

AddictedKitten: oh yeah, i'm with the hobbit gayness. i'm into the sam/frodo pairing, but i don't think it necessarily is a physical thing.
AddictedKitten: they just luuuuuuuuv each other.

Pingini: the problem with sam and frodo is that they're both bottoms

This may hurt a little but it’s something you get used to.
- Tool

BabyKTrop: ?
AddictedKitten: miffle
BabyKTrop: miffle?
AddictedKitten: wibble?
BabyKTrop: huh?
AddictedKitten: i'm sick and delirious
BabyKTrop: ::growing more confused::
AddictedKitten: murfle
AddictedKitten: exactly
BabyKTrop: Sara! English. That. Makes. Sense.
AddictedKitten: Um. Hi?
BabyKTrop: dammit...