Series: Final Fantasy IX
Category: Romance
Rating: G
Pairings: Zidane/Kuja
Warning: Shounen ai, sap, death
Author's Note: This is a strange one. It was a giftfic for Natsu in exchange of a Kenkeru-fic, and even when it had death, it turned out to be rather happy one. Sad, but happy. Also my last Zidane/Kuja-fic.
Disclaimer: Final Fantasy IX belongs to Squaresoft. Be glad for that.
Archive: Abstract Reasoning, Obsession.
Summary: Kuja muses over his beloved one during the last moments of his life.

Finale Of His Life

As everything collapses around us, and he throws himself over my body, eager to protect me with all of his might, I am living up the happiest moment of my life.

My Zidane loves me.

Despite all the horrors I have brought to the hearts of the people, despite all the crimes I committed and my crazed attempt to destroy the source of life, he had believed in that little good I had stored in the black depths of my soul, believed in me. He alone didn't cheer in joy with the others as the impact of the dark spell I had released slammed me first backwards and then down to my doom, he alone didn't feel relief or satisfaction as the threat of my existence was as good as gone. If that isn't love, then what is? And as the final proof of it, he is willing to lie upon my dying body and get buried alive with me,
so that I wouldn't have to wither away alone.

Garland was wrong when saying that no one would ever love, never even care about a worthless insect like me, especially not the one who was meant to be the brightest star upon the skies while I was just a shadow of the moon. He was wrong when announcing that I'm too much of a monster to awaken nothing but hatred and contempt in those who are near me. And it was Zidane, his masterpiece from all that exists, to prove him wrong, gifting me with the love of his heart.

He's even willing to die for me, for our feeble love.

I can't allow that to happen, of course not, I love him too much to let him do that. But I can still devour on this moment, in my last chance of experiencing happiness. And feel his lifeful, powerful heart beating steadily against my chest, where my ever weakening heart still has strength enough to continue pounding in a slow, pleasant rhythm.

Not once have I been this close to anyone.

But everything must come to an end, and since my grand final is slowly approaching me, I must do the last favour I can ever do to him, as my ultime act of love. A dying tree that hides us from the sun shatters with screeching cracks, and my beloved one's heart beats a little faster with passing fear, before he remembers his noble intentions again.

Such a sweet boy he is. So brave and caring.

And it's certainly not time for him to go yet.

His crystal-like, baby blue eyes open in surprise as a electric blue light of teleportation starts to surround his petite figure, causing his golden hair to shine with white and silvery lights. Our gazes meet in a long stare, his eyes full with confusion and many, many questions.. mine with serenity, and joy that I can no longer hide.

"It's time for you to go", I call out for him. I don't know if I have actually whispered those words aloud, since I am unable to hear the deep baritone tones of my voice, but somehow he still manages to hear me. The soft, ice-colored orbs of his eyes
spread slightly with understanding as he nods wearkly, sorrow shadowing his delicate face, blessed with nearly unnaturally unique beauty.

My heart flows with unconditional love yet again, warms up my cooling body.

How sweet, he doesn't want to lose me..

"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine", I try to console him, speaking out as softly and gently as I am. He tries to smile at me, but I can sense the doubt that is slowly taking him over. "I'll be always there for you, dear heart, don't ever worry about that", I continue, letting my words bath in poetic rhythm that usually controls my speech.

When noticing that he still doesn't quite believe me, I suddenly figure out one and only way that can solve this little problem of mine, a tiny little act that can be enough to convince his stubborn, lovable mind. So I lift my head slightly, swallowing down the wince that threatenes to escape from my lips as my muscles sting with pain, reaching out with my pale hand to brush my fingers against his cheek. He freezes under my touch, rather in surprise than in disgust, and just when he's about to ask what I'm doing I place a soft kiss upon his cherry pink lips.

He tastes like everything that is sweet and good.

I don't even have a proper chance to drown in the softness of his heartshaped mouth when his warmth is suddenly gone, with lights flashing before my eyes, and I'm left alone in the darkness. The last bit of my force has just taken my dearest and only
lover away, forever out of my reach.

And surprisingly, I'm glad for that.

Corners of my mouth curl upwards in a tired smile, one of pure, simple relief, and I allow my heavy eyelids fall over my blurred vision, enclosing myself in the shadows of my being for good. Below my waistline, I feel nothing.

/I love you, Zidane./

Life escapes from my body as a pleasant breath of an inner wind, my soul flees from my body to be part of Mother Earth once again, part of completion that one can experience only when dying.

I am free at last.

Last thing that exists in my life are four, long desired words that ring my ears like the golden bells of a heaven:

/I love you too, Kuja./

And I finally understand what people exactly mean with the word happiness.

14. October 2001